Yesterday I meditated for the first time. It was the kind where I am awake, and sitting, and not doing another thing with it.
I wasn't gardening, or building a puzzle, or lying on the couch. I was still.
I had been afraid to do this, because from the place I had selected to do this, I could see huge cracks, and it made me sad to see the problems with my house. I was horrified! Ashamed! And embarrassed.
This time I sat, and was present.
I was humbled.
I didn't even know how to begin. When it was time to pray, it was my mother who taught me 'this is how we pray, Carla. We say 'dear God' at the beginning and at the end we say 'amen'.
So I told the guides who were present, and I could see and feel them clearly--they were gently loving and amused to see me try my very first time--like a baby taking my first steps.
I explained how I wanted to remember how to do this, and I humbly asked for the opportunity and patience from them for me to figure it out, and learn how to do it correctly.
Once I got that out of the way, I looked at the energies and the colors and the Ascended Masters, and I blurted out, 'This is better than watching a fish tank!' (you know, the kind with the beautiful tropical fish that is meant to relax you?)
They started cracking up so loud and unexpectedly that if Ross had just taken a sip of water her would have lost it and sprayed it all over me! I saw him come very close, and he made me promise to write this to you first thing when I got up.
So I am.
The other part is I didn't want to stop meditating.
I started to cry.
I told him and the Ascended Masters I didn't want to ever say goodbye again!
I couldn't!
There was a lot of talking to me, to soothe me, and to explain how 'this is not goodbye'.
I kept protesting, 'It's HOME! How can I go back?' and I pointed to the earth with all the stuff going on that is so unpleasant.
I felt this 'message' of 'remember your discipline!' like you would tell a soldier.
Then I was done. And I felt okay about it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
As I was falling asleep the night before last, I saw Ross clear as day. He had taken us to our honeymoon we experienced so many years ago.
I had tears of joy, and disbelief, and wonder, how I could EVER get to experience it again? I kept thanking him. And he and I both looked exactly as we did--at the time--with him eighteen and me thirteen--which was normal marrying age for the times.
But when I went to kiss him, when we were close, I had horrible intrusive flashbacks of how he was going to die.
We both knew I was highly gifted with the sight. We didn't know what to do about it.
Since the time of our marriage, I was troubled with these unwanted and unwelcome views into the future.
I think this was his way of letting me know what happened. And when he did kiss me, I had this terrible, frightening feeling of falling way way down, my whole body, as if the floor had opened up and I fell through similar holes all the way down several floors below.
THAT was scary. And I felt like no one could catch me.
I felt the terror, and I remarked to myself, 'it doesn't matter--this is all ILLUSION anyways. It's not real.'
Then I felt a series of light/soothing presses of energy on my heart center. I calmed down.
It was Ross. And I asked him, 'why did you take me to that place where I was so happy only for me to experience this?' On some level it must have been a test, but he wouldn't say, other than I passed, and I let him feel through my heart, how I thought it was a blow below the belt, not really 'fair'.
I understand now why it happened.
I'm glad it's over.
Just know when you meditate, make it on YOUR terms.
It's okay to do that.
No matter what you see.
I also learned that the reason I have so many memories of my past, clear ones, is because Ross and I underwent a special ceremony nobody knew except us and a few others (he flashed it before my eyes so I would remember). I think it is called a Sacred Marriage or Sacred Union--and if you do it right--good spiritual things happen which will help both of you from one incarnation to the next. This happened when he was Melchizedek and I was the nameless temple girl, a long time ago, but we 'renewed our vows' to so speak, in the other incarnation I've been describing too.
I tried to look it up, but all the stuff online is really 'out there' and doesn't capture it as I recall it happened.
I will keep looking.
But some of you who have disincarnate Twins and communicate with them now, it might be because of that--you had this training and did the ceremony too.
With all our love...Ross is taking a break at the moment.
I am feeling much better and I thank you for your compassionate healing you have sent in my illness. Anthony too.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Twins