Spirit chose the title of this blog post. I was wheeling a patient into a room, and there was a list of equipment on the door. The words SLAVE CABLE stood out from the rest, although the fonts were the same.
It was in the robot room.
A Slave Cable is one that attaches a Slave Monitor to the main monitor with the camera for any laparoscopic work. These surgeries require TWO people in the field, typically one surgeon and one assistant--standing on opposite sides of the table. One can't turn their head and still operate, you know? So there are two monitors positioned within the line of sight of each one.
Both images are identical, and of the same quality.
There are a lot of hidden meanings in the words 'Slave Cable'--it can be from the literal, with the camera, to the figurative, as in, 'I think I'll take the weekend to watch TiVO and catch up on my shows'...and more...
This one hurts. It's hurt me for thousands of years. It has to do with Ross. And I'm not sure where to begin.
Let's read the last page of the mystery--take a peek--I have been angry at all forms of the Divine Feminine that aren't in my 'circle', what I call 'Goddesses' because of the rejection I internalized against my own Divine Feminine in me, when Ross used to cheat.
Ross was (and is!) a Rock Star.
And when he was incarnate, Ross 'did' what Rock Stars 'do'--just about everyone and everything that catches their eye...
We have been working on this together, all day, to heal it.
Just between me and you, I never really wanted to heal it. You know, that was THEN, this is NOW, let's forget about it and Just Move On...
But in matters of the heart, they will follow you one lifetime after the next until you work on it.
Why was it so devastating to me, Ross' infidelity, when we were incarnate?
Because both of us were trained in Tantric Sex, from being children, in our religion at the time which I recollect was a form of the Essenes 'back in the day'. It was our way to experience The Divine and to connect with Source, to be together as we were taught, as was our custom.
I had two lifetimes previous to this one with the infidelity, where Ross was entirely devoted to me in every way!
I got a message in my inbox today from a woman who was in a relationship with a husband who cheats. Her pain was so raw. And I thanked God for her coming to me, because frankly, I told her Ross gave me venereal disease and denied it, in that lifetime, I'm still hurting too, and perhaps we can heal together? One step at a time...
She confessed how she loved him, and always took him back, even when she knew full well she shouldn't...
Today was a long, hard, very hard day in spirit. It was like walking uphill.
I have to tell you I tried very hard to kill my own soul--since it happened, and I know for a fact one of my incarnations was so awful when Ross was shown it he immediately fell to the ground and wept. His guides were with him and I saw it...
I also know for a fact I must have made good on my promise to destroy myself--there were many people helping Ross to get me back, and when I finally spoke with him I think in 2013 and welcomed him (thanks to the amnesia where I didn't KNOW what a scoundrel and womanizer he had been!) he cried like a baby for three days. Ashtar actually gave him three earth days off, just to be with me.
Today I was taken in Spirit, to a place where I was seated on a chair kind up higher up than a normal chair, and six women were summoned to meet with me. One after the other, they fell on their faces, apologized for their sin against me (sleeping with Ross) and read me a litany of all the horrors they had written into their birth contracts to make it up to me. These women were desperate, and sincere.
I just stared blankly at them. One after the other. And with my non-reaction, they wailed and shrieked, for I had not accepted their self-decided 'payback' and was completely unmoved for them all.
It was Ashtar and Ross who had shown them to me.
Then like dust they collapsed onto the floor, and went away.
Ross chewed me out about it--not with words but I sensed his dissatisfaction with me.
So I summoned them all back, put on my shit-eating-grin, and handed each one a fifty dollar gift card to Victoria's Secret and said, 'go have some fun'--as about as insincere as I have ever been in all of my incarnations--and they left.
I said to Ross, 'now are you happy?'
When it came right down to it, I realized the cheating said lots more about Ross than me. He was sick. Maybe he was immersed in the cheater lesson as deep as it gets, I don't know...
I hated myself all this time, when I had been the 'good' wife and mother, and more than kept up my end of the deal.
With the reader, I could see clearly, she had to leave him to learn to love herself--and heal. He was making emotional shreds of her self-esteem. In a relationship like that, it's like the bear that chews off it's leg to get free of the jaw trap--it's brutal, but the only option left for one to survive.
And if the lesson is swept under the carpet? Then the next man you get picks up where the last one left off.
My friend, who didn't like men to cheat on her--it was her one rule--had her boyfriend in a serious motorcycle accident with a closed head injury in ICU. She went to the bedside, and there was another woman there, tending to his comatose body. 'Who are you?' my friend asked. The other woman asked the same.
BOTH were his 'girlfriends'.
Yup. And both broke up with him on the spot, but my friend helped him go to his doctors appointments and therapy--as a friend only--once he eventually woke up.
These lessons are painful.
I realized on a soul level, what was I to do?
He did it while he was incarnate.
He was under the Illusion too.
Was I going to let this keep coming up, and keep trying to avoid it because it was excruciatingly painful for me?
It wasn't working.
At some point, I would have to forgive Incarnate Ross for his mistakes.
So I did. Right there, and then, on the spot.
It is VERY difficult for me, incarnate now, having grown up with the Bible--to acknowledge that yes, Ross was not a perfect person and in fact he hurt me to the point of my seeking soul suicide and almost succeeding in it.
(a soul CAN die. I know, for example, the atom bombs and hydrogen bombs smashed the souls of the living into smithereens. There are special crews who go all over the galaxy, looking for specks and pieces of the lost ones, and painstakingly reconstruct them.)
On the drive home, Ross asked me, 'What is Love?'
I dodged it. 'Love is the force field that makes everything go'.
He called me on it. 'What is Love between us, me and you?'
I tried the lofty 'twin' thing, being vague and bullshitting on purpose, because I didn't want to talk about it.
I have more ways than anyone to 'not talk about it'. I can even, in places where telepathy is in use--go mentally blank so no one can read me. This takes a very strong mind, and I do this with ease, and it annoys Ross and my Councils to no end. I try their patience.
'Carla, what is our sexual love, and what does it mean?'
I paused, and quoted David Deida--'You help my soul to OPEN, my feminine soul to open my heart as wide as it can be...'
At the same time, I showed him a 'thought picture' of being reamed up through my energy system with a sharp, rusty bristle brush, time and again with all of my "lessons'--and I challenged the whole POINT of 'soul growth'.
I was 'met' with the counter image/feeling--of a vessel made empty and enlarged so as to be able to carry more happiness, more Joy, more Love and more Light.
He told me it means so very much to him, that with my Free Will, I chose to forgive him.
I want to explain how there are many layers, layers upon layers upon layers, when it comes to this kind of healing and soul growth on such a key area, a trouble spot, if you will. I HAD forgiven Ross for this in the past! I thought I was 'over it'...but my soul is revealing to me, my poor self-esteem in my own Divine Feminine, in my dislike for all things 'Goddess'.
Mind you, I am NOT going to ever 'like' them--I'm 'done'--but I am allowing it to help me see how I think, and to accept myself for who I am.
I told Ross I wanted to be with Creator for awhile, and not to bother me. I needed some time. Just to reflect on how even as Twins, there are no guarantees. Love is a gamble, a game of the heart--in romance. It is also a big way of clearing lots of Karma debt. (it's 'mutual'--both exchange it to sort of cancel it out)... The only sure thing is YOU, CREATOR, and YOURSELF. For all eternity--from the perspective one one who is inside the Illusion, and incarnate.
I got a warm glow in my heart, and it felt good. Not the romance kind. The real thing. The self love and acceptance.
Ross presented me with those women again. Would I really hold it against them? If I did, the etheric cords would still continue to be?
I told Ross with my forgiveness, of his ways, was enough, and not to push my luck.
Ross is strong. He won't back down even when I am unkind and angry. He asked me, 'what are you going to say to them?'
'What's it like sleeping with my husband?' I replied, with sarcasm, and wanting to hurt him and the others.
I knew that wouldn't work. I saw clearly they were very mixed up, with egos, and were basically very sick in the soul department, in their hearts, to do what they did. It was easy to do what they did. But now that they know who I am--and the jig is up--they are crying and begging because they know they REALLY SCREWED UP. I sense it.
And yet, I'm saying to Ross, at the same time--'All this is Illusion, it's just a painful Lesson, in 'reality' everything is 'just grand'--WHY are these women doing this to me?
I think deep down, it's the Karma, and they don't want to pay it. They know I can instantly erase it because of my status. I just don't feel the same 'I'm sorry' vibe that Ross had...for naturally, these 'six' were of much lower vibration than us.
So I forgave them.
How could I not, with Ross drawing the forgiveness symbol in my face? Forgiveness is square one. Everything and all should growth depends on that. He would pester me for ages, and besides, it was time.
Their feminine didn't take anything away from mine.
They WERE 'skanky'. They took away my sex partner and best friend, and he turned into a monster who was swept up in his own fame--a 'rock star'--even though he did an awful lot of good, and was a good teacher, many of his lessons were for him, because of my reaction to his ways, and his wanting not to be like that...in his heart.
Whatever these souls of these women are, I release them. And I had Michael WHACK those cords.
I don't really want to spend time with Ross at the moment. I want to heal. My aura has had enough, and I just don't want his mantle or his blanket or anything to do with him until things settle out. Of course I'll type for him, on his message.
But I want you to know he had the radio going all day, one song after another, 'I feel terrible without you' and 'The Great Pretender' and all kinds of things.
I knew it was him.
I trust, now he is dis-incarnate--he will keep his word, and he will be clear-headed and not cause pain to my heart.
But it was a really, really long day.
Ross
Carla was on call. She worked a fifteen hour day.
Carla spent a lot of time reading the book by Yogananda Parmahansa, because early this morning I asked her to.
With an open heart, and a bounce in her step, Carla ran up the stairs and got the second volume of 'our book' (me and YP)...to take to work.
Little did she know what lessons I had developed for both of our hearts today, or how much progress we would make in our relationship.
I am getting Carla ready for her life in Heaven, with me.
I have to take all of the Illusion off.
For us today, it was the Illusion that just because I am 'perfect' in Spirit that by extension that applies to me as a man when I was incarnate.
(waves the finger side to side as if to say 'no'--ed) That is not the case!
I am HUMAN, when I was incarnate, just like every one of you, and I sinned.
I sinned against both myself and against Carla in my sleeping around and giving her the clap when I was married to her.
Back in time I was so high on myself and my mission!
I was so distorted in my thinking, that I thought my relationship to Carla was something I had to 'give up' to prove my 'merit' in 'important spiritual things' (I see pain on his face, in his eyes especially--ed).
I thought that my mission, and healing the world, was MORE IMPORTANT than treating Carla right, and raising my family.
(he gestures with his arms fists closed and switching positions--ed) I had it BACKWARDS!
What Spirit asks of you, so as not to make my mistake--start with everyone you know, and with Love--the pure Universal Kind, not in the bedroom--take it from there...always keeping Love and Respect between you on the people who love you the most and are the closest.
Carla buried me.
After all this horrible life, it was she who was at my side, who tended to me, just like in life, and bathed my wounds in preparation for my burial, according to our custom back in time...
(pause--ed)
I was never there for her and though abandoned Carla was always there for me, with her open heart, waiting and waiting for me to wake up to my senses and it took until I died and it was too late for me to 'get it!'
And I love her so much, with all my heart!
Sometimes that is what it takes to get through to someone who is incarnate!
Sometimes the lessons are that tough.
So--like the dog who is kicked, and only licks the hand of those who beat him in return--the lesson is deep and also far-reaching.
Only this time, for us, after I passed, Carla kicked herself, and would not stop kicking until she almost died a soul death. It was very close.
Why would Carla have a soul death, and most people once they are disincarnate understand the whole thing?
Because Carla wouldn't listen, Carla has a strong mind, and at the time, Carla was very adept at soul magic.
Carla knew how to defend herself, and to get what she wants, and how to outsmart me! And the rest of us! (gestures to the Ascended Masters)
But it was not for her own good.
Or for the highest good, the greater good.
I made a mistake. All of us do.
And so did Carla in her not coming to me with her heart, finding where she stood, setting some boundaries, and enforcing them with my errant ways. Ross! THIS is going to be the consequence of your actions! And spell it out!
You have to be willing to let go of the outcome to do the right thing. No matter how much love there is for this person in your heart, enough is enough! And there is always the 'hereafter' to settle our differences...
That is my advice to you who are experiencing both sides of the coin in the 'fidelity' department.
(he brushes his hands as if to clear dust off them--ed)
Carla needs her rest. Not just her sleep, but her time to adjust and to process all that went on with me.
I have a surprise! It is very 'shiny' and Carla is going to love it, absolutely adore it!
But I can't give it to her, until the air between us--at this Vibration*--is totally clear and in resonance for us both.
That is why today I 'cleaned the closets of the cobwebs' with our 'sordid past'...
Never be afraid to face your inner 'demons' (hits forehead with palm of hand like Wow I could have had a V8--ed)with the help of the Ascended Masters. Allow a friend and guide you trust like Carla did with me--to take you through the steps.
It is worth it.
For both of you, and your heart.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Couple
* -- this is due to the cyclical nature of spirit growth, and why we often 'revisit' things we thought we had 'resolved'...in the past.