Humble Pie
Today was a day that was most noticeably sent by my Team. With a late start, the doorbell rang, and the phone repairman arrived without warning after I had requested phone service last night (the lines went down with the garage leak). His name was Phillip, and I thought of my friend Ming right away.
At the same time, the cleaning service arrived. I had to apologize to them. Last Monday, I had intended to leave the water off to the house, and also, I couldn't leave a voicemail, to cancel, so I sent an email instead. Well they showed up and the water had been left on all day in the house, creating even MORE damage! I confronted the manager. She called the people. They defended themselves. I got angry and I said, 'DON'T COME BACK!'
I apologized last night. I explained how when I tried to cancel I was at work, my patient had coded earlier and now has anoxic brain injury, their mailbox was full...and this was the FIFTH leak in my home in five years. I asked for forgiveness, and if they would still have me, I would love to have the team clean my house.
Imagine my surprise when it was Ofelia and Isabel, you haven't cleaned my home in years since Isabel had breast cancer. And there was one more person too. (the house is REALLY nice today--my team does excellent work.)...
Then at my work, even though everything went okay, and I finished early, I was called on the carpet for some other things:
- I had sent an 'it's not safe' email to my boss and the OR people, about a new suite where we do general anesthesia often. I had relieved someone, and it was a nightmare the set up I had walked into. I knew from the technicians who help us, that nobody liked it, it was scary, and someone had to speak up. So without hesitation, I wrote a very nice letter, praising the place, asking for changes, and offering to help raise the standard of care. It got forwarded to the wrong hands, and made a political nightmare; I actually thought perhaps 'I shot myself in the foot' when I hit 'send'. So my boss and the Number 2 in command told me it's not cool to write these things, they walked me there, they humiliated me by showing me how 'other people do it', etc. I apologized again and again.
- My boss also needed to talk to me about how yesterday I was called in to work on an emergency, but once I arrived I was told I wasn't needed. I can't tell you more. But it's a BIG problem, and my boss needed all the information I could give about the times, etc. Fortunately, a senior partner had me write a note in the patient chart that 'I was there'...so it's out of my hands. I actually LIKE the surgeon I was to work with, and I did my best to smooth things out. I told him how I actually lost money--the gas and the other expenses--by being called in and not being able to work.
- AT work we need to do computer training. Getting people to sign up is really hard, way worse than other social functions (can you imagine four hours of mandatory training that are not paid?) So I explained to my boss and showed him how I am getting the sign ups before the next 'Big Meeting' on Thursday, so 'we will look good'. I apologized one more time about the first 'dot' topic, and he said, 'don't worry about it'.
Elvis and Me
On the way in to work this morning, I heard THIS song, quite clearly, in my mind:
Then ROSS popped in, as if he was singing. Then he faded out, and each member of my team--Michael, Raphael, Merlin, Ashtar, and Divine Father singing a few bars and then fading away.
They never realized in this incarnation I felt 'unloveable'--and they wanted me to know that not only am I loved, I am a 'heartbreaker'...to them.
I was super happy for this.
Sophia
On the way home, Sophia called me to her. I asked if I was in trouble? She smiled and said, 'How can you be in trouble? There are no mistakes, only learning.'
Then she asked the kicker--'what did you learn about yourself today?'
'I'm a hothead' I told her, embarrassed. I explained how the emotional body just does things sometimes, and it's really hard to find my way. I embarrassed myself with both the cleaning people--and the new angio suite--I was horrified at how it all 'came down'.
She gently explained, that it is because I am HUMAN. And she asked how the other people took it?
I confessed that they we accommodating, and forgave me. They gave me another chance to move on.
Around this time, even though she was very nice, I felt an intense wave of STUPID. I was humiliated to be in Her presence. I wanted to HIDE and RUN to Ross and bury my face in his chest.
I told her I couldn't believe how STUPID I am, and how even though by earth standards I am bright, there is NO comparison to Sophia herself, even if somehow she is a part of me and I a part of her.
She told me I can run to her, as well as to Ross, it's okay.
So I did. I ran and I cried and everything came out about being incarnate, how it's so hard, and I just don't know when it will ever end? She looked at me, and explained how she believed I could do it, that I was the one for the job, and all would be well.
Then she let me run to Ross, which I did, in about a nanosecond.
As he held me, I heard this song, and I knew Sophia had sent it:
The Light Box
Ross told me it was time for me to go back into the Light Box for a touch up. I hadn't been in ages. And I knew it was time for me to go.
I went willingly, and didn't even ask for my teddy bear, because I was so contrite.
As I started to go in (it looks a lot like this--with your third eye you see it and your consciousness/Light Body goes in), I asked for some of those stupid glasses you wear in the suntan booth and asked if I'd have 'glowing skin' with a 'healthy tan' this time when I was done?
I am afraid of these things, I hate to go in there, and as they shut the lid, I started to cry. It's like coffins to me, and I hate them. Ross, my Twin, understood (we share the same energetic heart)--so he threw in my old Light Box Teddy Bear, and I held it with all my might.
I felt the sensations, like being in an MRI scanner--the brain feels 'funny'.
Then I commented on how awful it seems to have to go in there in the first place, because I am 'dirty'.
This stopped everything! Although it was only for five minutes, the Galactics all looked at each other, startled, as if they had never once in a million years thought maybe someone might think we have to go into those things not for 'healing' but 'because there is something wrong with us that needs to be fixed'. I was right, and in my simple way, I taught them something important from the human perspective--I feel like 'damaged goods'.
Ross explained how this is for helping me, to get back what I once had, before I came here, and there is in no way any implying that I am 'not good enough' or 'dirty'...
So they closed the lid again, and in a short time, it was done.
I had a rat with me, from the pet shop, because on Mondays we feed the snake. It was adorable. Ross had told me not to look when the snake ate. I didn't. But the snake struck, and the rat screamed in pain and fear.
I started crying.
I sat on the stairs, and bawled. horrified at the commonplace of death in order for some to eat.
This was something new that was the result of the Light Box--I sensed it. To burst out in tears like that at the suffering. I see suffering every day, I have to live with it, in my work.
This was something new that was the result of the Light Box--I sensed it. To burst out in tears like that at the suffering. I see suffering every day, I have to live with it, in my work.
Ross tried very hard to get my attention. He said, 'look he is trying very hard to come to me!' And then once across to The Other Side, Ross showed me the smiling dark-haired gentleman who was the rat as I knew him incarnate. They were both smiling. And Ross said, 'Look! How happy the snake is, for he had something to eat!'
Ross is the best husband ever...
Sophia had told me when we were together that 'it would only be a short time' until I am out of the Illusion. And I asked, apprehensively, 'is this through death?'
She said no.
I was told to write all of this now, today.
Anthony needs new shoes. He wants me to pick him up from school....There isn't much more except I ate lunch on my porch swing, at three, after the snake ate. And I sat for ten minutes in the sun.
Ross
I will write more tomorrow. I want this to go out as soon as possible, for many of you will be encountering YOUR personal Light Boxes. Always look them up--Carla has written about them. Use the Search Box in the top right hand corner.
They are happy places, filled with healing Light. They are comfortable. And painless. Carla is a little anxious, but even you may ask to borrow Carla's Teddy Bear, any time. It has some of Carla's tears on them, but they are dry. It smells like her too, her fragrance, for Carla is very sweet. To me, and to all of us...
Anthony asked his mom 'what's it like where Ross is?' and also 'Where is God?' Carla guessed God is at the 320 dimension, but actually I corrected her by telling Anthony it's the 330 dimension now.
I like it how he is waking up.
He has holes in his shoes right now. He plays too hard in them! He is all boy!
I will find the shoes that are just right for him to play all the harder...I love him.
Aloha and mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla