My Existence
Yesterday morning I hit the snooze button a bunch of times. I was exhausted. I had so little time, I drank a liquid breakfast. I no longer drink juice, because of the carbohydrates. So I had Dr. Schulze green powder mixed with 'chocolate' flavor plant-based protein from peas that tastes awful.
There was no time. I packed my kid's lunch, my lunch, took care of the pets. I had to choose between being late to work, and taking the linens out of the washer and putting them in the dryer. I chose the latter because of that nasty smell old wet linens and washers can get.
I had a seven o'clock start, which for me is always a nightmare because the school isn't open--my whole schedule shifts one half hour early. And I had to go to the place where the nurses have been mean to me in the past, the kind of mean where they are nice to your face and tell your boss they never want to work with 'that doctor' again.
So a friend took my son to her home and to school.
For a price. Nobody does anything not for a price unless it is family. But she is excellent, and it's worth it, and I know she will give him a healthy breakfast for him.
I fly to work. There is no traffic. I am already dressed in my scrubs I took home, just to save time.
The little door downstairs won't take my badge and security hasn't unlocked it. I wait for another who has a badge that works to I can go in. I RUN up the stairs. Then at the surgery center, the code has been changed on the locks to get in. I have to go through the main lobby, in front of patients, which is always embarrassing to me.
I learn the new code from a nurse. It's a 'Diamond'. Okay, fine. 'Diamond' code. Whatever.
Speaking of that, on the way to work, Ross had shown me a Reiki symbol that aligns the Higher Self to the 3D one. And I did it. You can't even draw this one--it's only with the hand. I will post it when the energies are right, how to do it.
As I prepare for my case in record time, the surgeon is rushed. Apparently their seven o'clock case is 'cut at seven' and not 'in the room at seven' like in Main O.R.
I also note that two versed are off on the count, for my narcotics. I am short four milligrams, two bottles of two milligrams each, and I sign the form but mention it to the nurse.
The patient is as nice as ever, and I enjoy working with them very much...
Then between cases, I ask my boss and the director of the center, who are talking, how I get my badge to work downstairs? My boss asks where I got my scrubs? From here--I took them home to save time, just this set. He points out that everyone here has on scrubs of a different color. The center changed supplier. And to bring all the old ones in because they have to pay for them.
I go change scrubs, and there aren't enough on the rack, so I wear XXL all day, even though I am a M, and the new cloth is cheaper polyester, and it's too warm. But at least I match.
I have a surreal moment with my patient who had the lung transplant for LAM--I knew exactly what it was--and she, a physician herself couldn't believe it because many pulmonologists don't know what LAM is. I told her I did lung transplants at San Diego for them before, I'm cardiac-trained. It turns out she had her transplant during my fellowship. Her name and her airway looked eerily familiar. I had done her anesthesia for her transplant--I knew her surgeon--what are the odds of that?
I grab a quick lunch, go to Main OR, in the wrong color scrubs, surgery center color is different from main OR color, because they are the only ones I have, and I don't wish to change. I meet a nice patient, work with a good team, and the case goes by quickly.
Then the wait. I waited FOUR hours for my surgeon to show up. It was going to be a dangerous case, one I would rather have avoided. Calls one and two were in cases. And as call three, I had to do what was next.
At six p.m., the surgeon behind him wanted to go. With an emergency. So even though I had notes and everything set, I switched cases, and was done.
If you notice, I didn't eat dinner. I had half a vegan sandwich a colleague who follows 'the rule of half' to maintain weight, gave to me from the lunch room earlier and I put in a to go box in my locker, at four. That and organic grapes I didn't wash. In that four hour gap I talked to a friend on Messenger, I napped (I am very sleepy all the time due to the energies), I wrote down next three month's schedule in my calendar, where I noticed I have more than my share of OB call...
Then I drove to pick up my son. In the dark. He was exhausted. I had worried about him and his rib injury all day. The school didn't medicate him the way I wrote it--and he was in pain. We drove the long drive home, silent, and in the dark. I unloaded the car.
He stumbled sleepily and protested about the shower but I told him it's been too long, you need it. I watched him and took care of the pets at the same time. I did a load of laundry. (I better put it in the dryer). After I washed the dishes (the ants were everywhere in the sink. Again.), I 'ate' the same thing I had for breakfast.
In the shower I realized how at the same age as me, my Nanu Filippo woke up, breakfast was ready, his clothes were clean, and he went to work. He worked hard, physical labor digging holes for construction. My nana packed his lunch for him, in a hard metal lunchbox with a thermos. Then he came home. I would run to greet him, before his shower, and he told me he was dirty, and I said I didn't care--at three I spoke like this! After he relaxed and worked in the garden--clean--dinner was ready. Then after he would work on his coin collection, we would have coffee, watch TV, and go to bed.
What happened? What happened to the way of life where you never work a single weekend, night, or holiday? What happened to the family unit of support?
If you ask me, there is more money to be made by having us single like this. I can't say the last time I actually COOKED a meal, and I enjoy cooking...it's so busy only eating outside the home seems to work...
Lagniappe
This is a word I got woken up to. I am still annoyed. My Higher Self told me twice before I hit the snooze button 'you will be SO happy'.
I don't like to listen to her.
And yesterday was 'Take Your Higher Self To Work Day'--Ross was right there with her, in the afternoon, as I did my cases. She had no idea how many obstacles and setbacks 'pop up', one after the next, in my daily life, like trying to get IN to work yesterday morning.
I said something like, 'this is some weird dream I am having (3D reality)' and they were both like, nodding and encouraging me.
I have felt a lot of pressure from spirit and the energies lately. And I have been told my Higher Self and I are like two brothers who don't speak to each other, and are very careful and wary...
I tell Spirit--I DIDN'T ASK TO BE CREATED--I don't know why I am here--and I feel like I know more about life down here than my Higher Self. She seems ineffective. And I get things done. I am independent.
I was told 'you need to talk with her and explain things and show her and teach her'.
Great! One more thing to add to my 'To Do' list--'manage upwards'. I'll be sure to write that one down.
I realize at least is SaLuSa is an incarnation of Raphael, and he didn't 'go away' once he left whatever Dimension he was created in...I might be okay. But I KNOW all of my other incarnations from Tabitha all the way to the Kitten--are not around. And I suspect one day Carla the Doctor won't be around either, after all this Ascension is done and I have served my purpose for whatever reason she made me for...
Last night I was so distraught, I continued the exercise I had begun three days ago with Ross--shaking the new grid to disentangle it from the old one. I did it yesterday morning, because energetically my soul felt STUCK and TRAPPED. Well last night I flailed and flung the grid--the ties were severed I think by Archangel Michael--I cracked them like a whip that was tied like cuffs on my wrists, like chains.
And I broke it. A gorgeous crystalline lotus that was bigger than me, was in the center of my awareness. And it fueled a beautiful diamond crystalline grid I knew Divine Mother had created for me. I was in the presence of Divine Father, and Divine Mother, just them, and me, and I felt a connection I had never had before. Time stood still. And as I breathed in and out, I breathed the energy of Heaven like a fish takes water over the gills...I did not wish to speak to anyone in spirit, not even Ross.
I was FREE.
In this timelessness, I clearly could SEE through the Illusion. I interacted with my friends, and my son. I was more present. More grounded. And I knew it is only a matter of time before I am out of the Illusion entirely. I have connection to the vibrational frequency my soul needs to stay healthy and vibrant. Everything else is just smoke and mirrors, and it's not worth getting stressed out about it.
After his shower, as he got dressed, my son said, from the bathroom, 'You are the best mom I could ever ask for. You are the best mom. You hardly ever yell...you are calm.' He appreciates how I know what to do for his injury, how I know medicine and healing, both traditional and the energy kind.
I was glad and surprised he would say this.
Last night I took a channeling from Ross to me. WE have our disagreements. Over my being tested. Over my higher self and where I stand with him in our relationship. He kept waving at me the 'divorce papers' he had signed setting him free from my Higher Self so I can relax in our relationship together. They are eight and a half by six inches, and copper that shines.
I leveled with him, and asked him directly, what is going on? And he told me--with no minced words--you are having a fit because your Twin Flame romance has fizzled and you can't understand how anything so wonderful can go flat--PLUS--your Higher Self really can't stand you and she pulled the plug on your romance. She knew that would make you listen.
It was three pages of notes. I said 'I give up. I said I give up earlier today! What do you want? And why are you telling me these things when I am spiritually and physically exhausted?'
I confessed--I don't get a fairy tale ending. My dream of life with you, just us two and our kids, away from everything else--has died. WE are public servants and have 'duty' to others. I don't like holidays any more--I can't get into them, because I know the truth of marketing and everything else that goes behind them. I don't like weekends--because I feel we are enslaved five days a week, in my case more because I work weekends--when I think the weekend lifestyle should be every day for all citizens of Gaia! I don't like work and right now I don't like talking to you, because it HURTS! I am nothing. Alone and nothing.
HE said, 'I am here'. and 'I am consort for you, and you are consort for me'.
I said, 'Marriage is better!'
He said, 'No it isn't!' and looked imploringly at me.
I looked in his eyes, and I melted. Everything about the Higher Dimensions is so difficult, if not impossible to understand with my 3D eyes and ears and mind, the one I use for survival--and my heart...well...I saw and felt the love Ross has for me. I kissed him, and perhaps it was the most intelligent thing I have done for myself all day.
So I slept.
A lagniappe is a free gift from the merchant to the customer at time of purchase. I had to go look that word up on the internet...sigh.
Ross
Carla is at the end of her limits. In every way. She is attached to the new grid, and has entirely rejected the Matrix because she is disgusted with it.
She chose not to wait for the Galactics to free her from it.
Carla freed herself.
For those of you who can see such things, you will see a diamond thin-flame, a silver platinum diamond hybrid, that now goes directly from Source to her heart. And this is what makes her 'go'--her energy is from Source, just the same as ever.
But Carla has stripped it out of the Matrix 'transformer' for the energy, and attached itself directly to her.
She is right on her fish analogy.
Carla can breathe easily now for the first time in all of her incarnations. She has that same 'spark' of God in her chest, like she has always had for all eternity--only today is the first day Carla is AWARE of it, and asked for it--outside of the Matrix we know.
I will share our last few words together--now with you:
C: I don't like it, how I felt today.
R: (holds me) I am here. I will rest with you. (taps bed right next to me) Okay? Like a good husband.
C: I want the best!!!
R: I am it! I am it! (kisses my head) Good night.
C: I love you.
R: (starts to cry softly) I thought I never would hear that. Not tonight. Not how it started (with us in conflict)
C: Some day I might surprise us both, YOU try living in this emotional body! (the emotional body of the human is unlike anything in the galaxy--it's very different)
R: (Laughs) I did! (shows me the scars from how he died, when were both incarnate the last time) I think I had enough!
C: I sleep peaceful.
R: I love you forever and ever and ever. I want nobody by my side but your spark of holiness, my loving Twin, my angel, my Light. Aloha. (taps my gold heirloom Royal Hawaiian gold bracelets. I wear three) I will get you one! WIFE!
C: (smiles--fades out--kisses his photo) Good night my beloved.
Ross looks at you, plainly, simply. HE takes a pause, a moment in thought. He looks down, and up at you...It isn't easy, but it's worth it. Carla had a long day, but it was forward movement, growth.
Do not be afraid to make your own path.
Call on your angels, your Twin, your guides.
Do not concern yourself about your Higher Self. All will work out. Carla's situation is atypical; most seem to like each other.
You know how in the movie, Snow White, there is the queen, who says, 'mirror mirror, who is the fairest?'
With Carla and her Higher Self, it's all about who is the most intelligent. In the Matrix, Carla neatly wins, between the two of them. There are a lot of hard rules and facts to master. Which being an M.D., Carla clearly has!
But outside the realms of Duality, it is more an even playing field. Carla does not know that which her Higher Self does. And I keep trying to get the two of them 'to play nice'.
Carla had an incredible amount of damage to her heart towards the end of our last incarnation. I am working on it. Together with her Higher Self, and all of our Star Family, to heal her in her soul.
All of us are ready to heal you too. I can do it. I can work on you and her at the same time--this is possible in our realms--so do not be afraid to know there is help and to ask for it--somebody will arrive. Like a tow truck or a taxi...
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross, and that beautiful Reiki Doc princess of MINE--Carla the beautiful, blogging, and totally wide open heart that she is. I hold nothing back on what flows between us--the positive and the negative--to prepare you for your reunion with your loving Twins and Star Families and your Higher Selves too. (waves bye)