My Beloved,
I was expecting this.
I forgive you.
All is well.
And now you must have your say: http://sirianheaven.wordpress.com/2014/03/30/heavenletter-4874-until-you-forgive-march-30-2014/
I have a female heart.
I have survived grievous injury that is beyond the realm of normal human experience.
I have survived it more than once.
I have survived our disagreement that led to both of our demise in our past life together.
Let me explain my side, the side of the one who has been put through something that is beyond one's ability to assimilate, to comprehend, to accept.
First, let me explain...you are forgiven.
All is as it was before this ever happened.
Everything is fine between us now.
So let us talk.
Extreme pain causes the individual to throw up.
It is visceral.
It is something the human body and soul when they are together, simply does.
If something is in your Life Contract, and it is heinous crime that is done against you, and you are 'right on track', you forgive. Just as you have described--in your beautiful explanation in Heavenletter, above.
Even if something is done to you that was heinous and not in your Life Contract, some of the more outstanding individuals will decide in their heart, it is not my place to judge, I will choose love, and leave the judgement to God/Heaven/Karma--whatever you will call it.
I wanted to die.
I reminded you I no longer wanted to be among the living.
I put out my wrists in my misery and begged you to put an end to my life, my torture.
I asked for this every single opportunity I had.
It frightened you to your core to witness this reaction to a trauma.
Just as a trauma to the human body will lead to exsanguination,
an equal trauma to the soul can lead to coma of the soul, and also, to soul shock, and to soul demise.
A person in that state no longer can make rational decisions.
Their heart no longer works.
Everything shuts down.
They are unreachable.
The heart cannot forgive. Nor can it condemn. It just reacts and seeks escape from all the suffering.
This is important for your own understanding.
The heart that is in shock, might not recover, and it might not be able to take care of itself.
How can a heart like this reach out and love the offender, when the greatest wish is to be released from the story of that life that was too heinous to accept, because it violated the Life Contract PLUS the Combined Soul Mission, call it 'quits', and return home?
Is it not like when the pinball game goes on 'TILT', and does no longer function?
Please forgive me for what may have appeared to be blame, of you, when in fact, it was just Love that was stopped in its tracks, derailed, if you will, from its loving intentions, and no one came to clear the damage from the wreck.
In that state, there is no effort you or anyone could have done to have repaired what could not function. If it was the pinball game, one would have to call the repair man at the arcade.
It took a team, a whole team, to save me from my exile that was composed of lifetime after lifetime of self-imposed harm.
I was a 'cutter', if you will, that was seeking to feel anything, if that something was pain, well, so be it.
I wanted to escape every single reminder of what happened, and unfortunately that reminder was anything that was associated with YOU.
I have forgiven, once and for all time, in all timelines, in all dimensions, and I welcome you with open arms!
I am well.
And I thank you for your incredible patience and love and support on my behalf.
The nightmare is no more.
And we are back on track again with our beautiful relationship from the stars...
With every fibre of my essence, I rejoice and I give thanks for this!
Again and again and again...
I bow down on my knees, and ask, if not for your understanding, from my explanation, then for our happiness that once had been, to reach deep into your heart, and offer me your forgiveness for my actions when I was distraught to the point of seeking my own destruction. I know it must have been painful to watch, and the rejection must have been so very heartbreaking for you. I am sorry for everything I did when I was in that unfortunate place. Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Reiki Doc
P.S. Here is my beloved's reply when I first awoke:
'You are my JOY!'
and this song:
On My Own by Patti La Belle and Michael Mc Donald