Today I woke up with a desire to clean the bedroom with all the junk in it.
My hopes were dashed as soon as I returned home from dropping my boy off at school--he didn't feel well. So I had to turn back and get him.
I was calm and inviting. I knew he wasn't that sick. He just wanted to be home with me. Days like this are few. I took him to the store to buy produce and bottled water. He asked for a cup of hot chocolate, and I bought it.
I made lunch for us. It was leftover soup from yesterday.
As soon as lunch was done, I put another kind of soup--from scratch--in the pot. It needed all day to make.
The tax people called. I needed to go in to the office to straighten something out.
There went my day... I thought to myself with disappointment. Every time I go by that room, I feel dread! But I am to busy with my schedule to 'catch up'. It's been that way since I moved in, since before I became a mother!
Surprisingly enough, after the appointment, I just started to clean 'a few things'. Next thing I knew it was incredibly healing as I went through more and more of what was now my past that was stacked up in that room. My son looked through all the old photos as I worked.
I saw the insanity of the court proceedings over the custody of our boy, and the panic and dread I felt at the time were like a million miles away.
I saw an old article I had once wanted to write on Hunter's Syndrome, a mucopolysaccharidosis. I threw all the old notes away. It felt good to release it. Having presented a poster on it was enough.
All of the old receipts I sorted through. The more recent photographs too. As I am a single mother, whenever there is a 'photo opportunity' I always buy or else there would be no pictures of us together. My latest one is us in ski caps freezing in the rain in front of Alcatraz.
I threw out all of the parenting class notes--my ex and I had to take them by order of the court to learn the art of 'co-parenting' and all non-essential legal files. I felt FREE!
Then I found it. The letter of non-reappointment from the University. That was a harsh time.
I saw a letter of recommendation from an OB-Gyn that was glowing. She said my care for her patients was 'unparalleled'.
Then I saw two letters of recommendation from people who--through psychometry (I don't know how to spell it, but it's when you pick something up you are able to read their vibration in it)--had orchestrated my leaving my position.
I was shocked.
Then I found an old copy of The Covenant Of Love.
And I remembered...L, my best friend from my fellowship who was on staff here with me now, the one I went out to dinner with every week...the one who had tried to get me to slander my residency program director over dinner at a very expensive place on Christmas Eve where I was L's family's guest...L who was in diversion and also was diagnosed bipolar, but I loved her anyway...
L had asked me if I saw Blessed Mother. She had said she was starting to see Her, or had a friend who was seeing Her, or a picture that seemed to move or something. She asked me to help her know what to do...
I trusted her.
And I gave her this. It's from Barbara Matthias, a visionary who is medically proven to have states of 'religious ecstasy' where she sees, hears, and touches Blessed Mother. Barbara is my friend, and the first time I saw Blessed Mother myself was when my husband's family made the trip to Santa Maria to visit her. I was kneeling next to Barbara. I saw everyone praying for their requests to Her, taking energy, and I humbled myself and wanted to give pure love from my heart to Her. How empty She must be with everyone taking from Her! So on my knees, for about forty five minutes, I focused on Love, love of Our Lady, Mary, Blessed Mother... I found I enjoyed this Devotion very much.
Barbara had her hands up in front of her, and I decided to copy.
After about ten minutes, the thought crossed my mind, I wonder where I am touching her?
Then instantly I heard Her voice, as clear and bright and sunny as you might expect, laugh and say, 'On my tummy'.
We have been talking together ever since.
Barbara was given this Covenant at an earlier meeting where she visited my in-law's house. I had arrived too late for the visions, but we ate dinner. This was about one year before. I had asked so many questions! What is her hair like? What are her eyes? What is her voice sound like? Does she have a sense of humor? What is she LIKE???
When I had arrived at my in-law's house, I had an overwhelming feeling like--Barbara is SEEING God!!!
At that same moment, Blessed Mother had said to Barbara, 'Here comes my girl!'
Here it is, in its entirety, The Covenant Of Love.
Be sure to fill in your name in the blank, if you wish to make it.
I _____________________ agree, from this day forward, to give my love and all the powers of my love to the Merciful Heart of Jesus and to the Immaculate Heart of Mary. I render unto Them complete surrender and submission, not for gain or for the approval of men, but out of pure and holy love for them. I agree to let Their love and mercy guide my life. I agree to let Their love encompass my being so completely that it takes away all fear and doubt. I further agree, out of pure and holy love for Them to spread the love I feel and have deep down in my soul to all people everywhere. I agree, out of pure and holy love for Them, to let our mutual love transform me into the child of God that They desire me to be. I agree to let this mutual love make me forgive and forget all the past hurts of my life and to move forward with Them, ensured that Their love will completely take care of me and that my love for Them will please Them and bring Them closer and closer to me until we are eternally united in that kingdom of love which is called heaven. AMEN.
It worked! I was able to clear through all of those painful memories today--with ease and with confidence. It totally worked!
What's more--I had no idea when I made this covenant in 1992 where I would be today as Reiki Doc!
Here is my favorite verse:
There is no fear in love;
but perfect Love casts out fear
because fear involves torment.
But he who fears
has not been made
perfect in Love.
1 John 4:18
I keep the Covenant and this verse together. In my opinion, they match.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Reiki Doc