For those of you who have been following this blog, you may already know that I have experienced spiritual and emotional shock at the revelation in Ross' Secret. The healing began with Resolution.
But although we are working towards complete and full recovery for our hearts, it has been a challenge, most of all for me.
Yesterday in the O.R., as I flipped through my calendar, there is some lined notepaper in the back. I had jotted down some notes earlier between cases. But something caught my eye, and I read what I had 'channeled' from Blessed Mother in the middle of the Doctor's Lounge during a long, three-hour gap. It took me about an hour to write it.
I asked for it.
This healing.
1.27.2014
Blessed Mother: God has something wonderful for you. My Jewel, there is a sweet awakening ahead for all of us. For all of us!
Everything that remains behind this juncture is totally Blessed. (kneels and looks at me. I notice Ross has his mother's eyes.)
Are you happy?
Me: Kind of. Kind of stunned. I love Ross so much and yet my heart is on the receiving end and is kind of messed up. Was Cindy right when she said, 'we push things away'?
Blessed Mother: nods yes.
Me: I'd never want to push Ross away. I will work to accept it.
Blessed Mother: It is in your need to love that you do not experience a chance to let ALL LOVE IN.
Me: Was it because of the pain (how he died?)
Blessed Mother: Nods yes.
Me: Can God fix it?
Blessed Mother: Can we?
Me: I don't know about my part. I do trust in you.
Blessed Mother: Hold my hand. (we go up, up, up, up. she is taking me to the highest dimension I have ever been-- twenty-six, the gateway to the twenty-seventh) Now ask of these people what you would like to accomplish... (I see forms, colors)
Me: Dear Leaders,
I love you.
I want to know about Love.
I want to experience the Best LOVE there is.
But there is one thing holding me back.
It's me.
When I was in the illusion I lost Ross, I loved so very much. It was right after losing Gamaliel.
It was total connection, 24/7.
I don't know if its fair to him.
I don't understand why I am this way.
I want to change but I need help. Can we repair it together?
Or am I lost?
Beings: Nothing is lost. So you are trying to heal what you can't see? (I am shown a stained glass heart with cross hatches and running together colors) Here is your 'problem'. What is wrong with it?
Me: Nothing.
Beings: Accept. Accept what is. Live in the moment. When He is with you, let go of everything else. Pay full attention to him. Pay full attention to you, to your heart.
It will tell you what it needs to find its strength. (not being attracted to women! they tease me.)
He already understands, Ross.
Be careful not to judge.
For in your weakness also lies your HIDDEN STRENGTH to Love unlimited.
It can exist. (Just like you shared with Da Vinci Rep--unconditional, platonic loving-kindness)
Everything is blessed!
For there is no injury that is not amenable to restoration and rejuvenation of the heart.
Would you like for us to repair what damage has been done?
Ross: (Shows up. Raises hand in protest to block my reply) She is with me. (Looks at me.)
This is what I like about you, your vulnerability, your pain you have experienced on my behalf. (Holds hand up to the twenty-sixth dimension team)
I will make it up to you, if you accept this.
Me: Nods yes.
Ross: Lorelei. You are the Lorelei, my princess. I will smash up to the rocks with my ship. It is worth it--just to see you with my own two eyes and listen to you with my own ears.
Namaste.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Reiki Doc
P.S. on 1.31.2014, I walked into the O.R. to get my things to move to another room. It was empty. A cell phone was in a glove on a desk, and it was playing this song:
Who I Am by Casting Crowns
I only heard the song a little, never had heard it before, and never in a million years had seen the video...
Ross asked me, 'Who Am I'.
I said:
- My husband
- The father of my children
- My illuminated twin soul
- I said his real name and where he is from
- I said the prayer I learned at church
- and I paused...he looked at me...just like he always does when he asks a question he already knows the answer to...
- my best friend
I started to get choked up. He had told me earlier there would be a surprise for me. That we would be together for always. Starting NOW.
Here is what he said in our message, if you're interested (http://reikidoc.blogspot.com/2014/02/recovery-step-2.html )
Ross: Sometimes best friends mess up.
I nodded yes. And I excused myself. I had to go do another case...