This white candle, with the Lily and Gardenia scents, takes me back to sixteen again. At that time, I got straight A's at school. I won Medals of Merit for excellence at my subjects. Unlike others, I excelled at the Liberal Arts AND Sciences too.
I had a boyfriend, Tom. He was a 4.0 GPA student, too. I loved being a girlfriend to him. Our lives revolved around each other, studying, and our friends. We lived at the beach, and his parent's backyard pool. We were both 'Moon Children', and as long as there was a source of water our lives were harmonious as can be.
My future looked strong. I had dreams upon dreams ahead of us. Every day was sunny, even when it rained. I studied the Bible every day. And I had Love in my Heart.
But to every dream, there is a shadow. Mine was the poverty, which was relative, compared to Tom and his friends. I was embarrassed to not have a car, like he and his friends got when they turned sixteen. Our home was not half the size of theirs. And college, once it came to the applications, was not a sure thing because of the fee for submission of applications. Dad would not pay the fee to apply to Princeton, my dream. He said no right off the bat.
My hope to be a doctor was not supported by my parents. It would have cost too much. Fortunately, mom talked dad into helping me through undergraduate school instead of having to pay for it myself like he did. They paid for my living expenses, and I paid for tuition, fees, and books. There was a catch: I had to be an engineer. If I majored in 'something that would not pay, like English' there would be no support from the family. We were not eligible for Financial Aid because of the rental properties owned. The properties were draining us financially, but rules are rules, and there is no aid when a property could be sold to pay for an education.
I gently take the young woman I was by the hand, and say to her, good bye and thank you for all of your dreams. Your studying and your persistence got me to where I can help a whole lot of people. I can support myself. I am well-liked by others. Everything that happened from you where you were to me where I am, had some scrapes and bruises for me. Sometimes I didn't really like the struggles at all.
I hope to bring honor and joy to your dreams, for now I have the chance to live them.
You can go in the past and be with Tom. And stay happy together. The Tom as he is now, is very much the same. I spent time with him at the Reunion. But we are not a good fit. His beliefs wouldn't have matched yours, not what they are today. You would have grown apart. Besides, he married the spitting image of you...because she is rich and comes from a wealthy family! You want somebody who loves you for your heart and is rich inside and is okay with that alone.
Everything happens for the best. It is time to let go the past, and enjoy it for what it was--a bridge unto Tomorrow. I like where I am now. It is joy and fulfillment and Light. I reach out across time to Bless You. Enjoy our times back then for the both of us.
Namaste,
Reiki Doc