My dream as a kid was to be a doctor. It motivated me to read my parent's first aid handbooks over and over. And to practice my bandage wrapping on my dolls, complete with handkerchief slings. I read the Encyclopedia of Medicine from the letter A to B (the first two free volumes), the Good Housekeeping Family Medical Guide, and The Wonders of The Human Body over and over again. If there was a boo-boo in the house, I was all over it with my old lunch box converted to the family first aid kit, with a big red cross drawn in sharpie ink on it.
This dream both haunted me, and drove me to go back to medical school, study hard, and excel. It was against my parent's wishes that I spent all that time in training. But I had to. The thought of not living my dream, and knowing without I doubt I would end up cramming that dream down my children's throat kept me going.
So what does my story have to do with the pictures above? Well, that is my gap.
On the top is the view I have from my bed in the call room when I work overnight with the women having babies. It is the largest of the call rooms in the suite, complete with a bath and shower inside, not down the hall. It is sterile, cold, and lonely. I have spent Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year's Monday holiday by myself in that room. I have been there while my family was on vacation. I am also going to miss a friend's fortieth birthday in Las Vegas she has been planning for months, because of that room. I get interrupted, any time, day and night, to intervene. The work that I do is like the story the Turtle and the Rabbit. In the Main OR, it is go-go-go, Rabbit, all day. Psychotically driven to make money, and to the point where patient safety is just at the edge of being compromised. The Turtle, on the other hand, has down time, where one can read, rest, do Reiki, surf the net, or talk on the phone with loved ones.
That picture does not match my dream I had when I was little. I am doing all of the things I hoped. And in my heart, all I want to do is go to the picture below, of Paradise.
I am walking around in a body doing work while my heart is somewhere else. I do not understand why the gap is there so. I can afford it, the Paradise, because of the Call Room. But the freedom, the life I had and the hours, are far away.
There is a story about a man talking to a fisherman in Baja California, saying if you go work hard in the States, invest, and do well you can retire and spend the rest of your life in a place like this. The fisherman, who lives that life NOW, looks at the tourist like he is loco in the head!
In a word, I am stuck. And like a dear Uncle said tonight on the telephone, 'it is a cruel world'. I was sharing how the problem with life as we know it, is we need to work to survive. And yet there are those who try to rig it to get more for themselves, leaving less for the rest of us. My Uncle raised a good point--the lions steal food from the cheetahs who do all the work. Survival of the fittest. It's dog eat dog. Look out for number one.
In my heart, this is not a sustainable option. We are at the breaking point. The system is broken. There is yet another wanting to leave my work, after two whistleblowers were fired. And more new faces to train.
So where does Reiki fit into all of this? How does one manifest something different?
Let's experiment together--and see how it works.
First: decide what you want.
For me--no nights, no weekends, no holidays. Time with my loved ones. And for myself. (I got my first haircut in six months. And my urologist friend, it had been a year. Doctor moms are THAT busy.)
I also want travel. To enjoy it.
And I want to be myself. No hiding behind this Reiki Doc thing. Just being myself, both intuitive and doc.
Second: imagine how it will feel once you get it
I see my son's face at the end of the day when I get him. I see me dropping him off. I see me not needing to juggle babysitters on unpredictable days. I see sanity, efficiency and fun at work.
I also see teaching, sharing with others, how to be like this. Already I get asked by others 'what do you see?' 'what to expect?' 'are there any messages for me?'. I channeled my father's message to my mother face to face today. It was the first time he did it, and I was glad to serve.
I also see the excitement of going on a plane with my son, going someplace new and beautiful. We love it.
Third: trust in the Universe and Let It Go
I did that with my car. I was at a roadblock on what one to get. The car salesman were so offensive. But then, I got an idea, 'let's just look here before we go out to eat'. Two test drives later, we had a fantastic deal on something far better than I had dreamed of. It is something my father would be proud. Today one month later I just discovered it has Sirius radio on it. The Universe delivers. Sometimes better than you would think.
Fourth: be open to signs and ask for direction/clarity
I brought my pink rose quartz merkabah pendulum with me to the dealership. While they were 'discussing deals' in the other room and letting us sit forever, I was using my pendulum to make sure this was it. A pendulum is a good thing, about the only way for spirit to interact with us on the physical plane. It was a combination of my son's input, my gut, my head doing math, and my pendulum that got me to say 'yes'. I am so glad I did.
Fifth: be appreciative every step of the way, with positive affirmations
For New Year's my son's goal on his list was 'for mom to be fired from her job and spend more time with me'. That is from a six-year old! Hello! Wake up call! But I asked him to rephrase it to, 'For mom to leave her old job FOR SOMETHING BETTER and spend more time with me.' I tell myself often, 'All is well. Everything is exactly as it should be. I am moving to a future that is everything I wished and even more fantastic!'. I also am taking time to be more organized, better to myself, and kind in general. I am tweaking my vibration to be smoother, less chaotic, so I can attract much wonderful things.
What is the GAP in your life? In London, the gap is what you step across from the station platform to get on the Tube subway system. To get where you want to go faster than by walking or by trolley or by bus. Take heed of what GAP there is in your life, and allow the Universe to help you step across it, to something truly wonderful.
Your dreams are all worth it.
Namaste,
Reiki Doc