Thursday, January 30, 2020

En Colere

Everybody has a limit. I hit mine yesterday. I got fed up with pretty much everything.  I have my mother's Italian temper and fortunately, it is diluted with my father's French-Canadian 'very long fuse'.

I just couldn't take it. 

I am not a Buddha. I never claimed to be. And out of the two of us, I always say, 'Ross, I'm not you--sorry--it is what it is.'  And I do my best to be like him. But I'm not him.

My cup ran empty. I've had four days where I wanted to take a long soak in the tub, and instead there's only been time for my shower. I came home, yesterday, and was just coming unglued. I asked Anthony to get the tub into the shower space (I have a weird one from Amazon for people who live in houses that only have showers, it's plastic). I was up to my elbows in roasting vegetables and getting them into the oven. He set the water running because it takes a long time to fill with these damn water saving fluid restriction shower heads. 

I went up there, and he had basically just thrown it in and left the shower door open and walked away. 
It was over the drain. The place was about to flood. I had to stick my arm under it to lift enough for the drain to work and wait for it to drain.

I didn't want to talk to Ross. He tried. 

I exclaimed to Anthony that I just wanted to feel like a human being and I didn't even want to take a bath any more. I'm so tired of the rickety junk that just doesn't work right. Galactic stuff always does, and I'm at the point where I remember on a soul level, and being incarnate here just upsets me.

Yesterday I was screaming at my phone for the same reasons. Voice assistance doesn't work. I'm trying the hands-free driving, and it's a total joke on my phone, and I ended up screaming. I had very little time to make it to a very far high school to see Anthony's team play basketball and I couldn't get the directions.  I was shrieking at the top of my lungs at it and darn near ready to throw my phone out the window.

I'm human.

We are all human.

I haven't had the time I needed for my garden. I have little baby seedlings I put into the ground a little early because their soil was getting weird fungus/mold on it. 

I haven't had time to cook. I realize restaurants are for people like me who don't have time.

I've been with surgeons who are very, very slow--a famous celebrity podiatrist on TLC who treats it like brain surgery I've heard--nice and sweet but just slow. Anesthesia is a very difficult career because you have to have the four A's, affable, available, able and I forget the last have to sit still and be quiet all day, and always helping the team and putting your patient first. Even when your patients are really hard to take care of, or really the source of their problems (smokers, for example, with lung disease)...

I've had two days in a row where I should have gone home early but I had to stay until four p.m., and poor Anthony has had to take up the slack.

I've had someone screaming in pain with a medical emergency. Screams are something you don't forget. They get to you.

And even the people who are showing interest in learning, for example, at work the nurses wanted to feel their auras and for me to tell them the color of their auras--it was charming!  It hits you  that the whole ascension thing has taken entirely too long, you can't understand on a human level why the average person has been dragging their feet, and you long to be home with the Galactics and interact in that way all over again.

When your cup is empty, don't let it run all the way dry.

Take steps.

Get up a little early so you don't rush.

I took a shower last night, cooked dinner (Anthony helped), ate at the table like a human, and also watched Monty Python, half an episode. 

I also took my medicine, my homeopathic ones, because I'd been so busy I'd skipped two days.

Today, this morning, I'm making crepes. I used to make them, stopped because of Anthony's eating way too many, with too much nutella and bananas. He'd eat the whole batch, and I'd get like one. But months ago, on sale, I'd bought a real pan for it, with the wooden tools. Today I'm going to use it. 

In the car, after I was screaming, Ross was in my face, concerned. He emphasized it's important for me to tell him what I want. I want my house to look clean and organized. I want time for my garden. I want a slow life.

I know he cancelled that basketball game. The other team, even though it was at their school, forfeited because they didn't know their gym schedule and it was time for volleyball practice.

I got to go home because the team went back to school to practice. 

There had been a terrible windstorm. Wind, for some reason, makes me very unglued emotionally. I'd been in the O.R. and didn't even know it. But the market umbrella had flown across the yard, and broken. Chairs, pool floats had strewn everywhere. Palm fronds are actually huge, twice as tall as I am, and they'd fallen into the yard. I watered my baby seedlings. And I took the trash out for trash day. It wasn't easy with the PVC pipe and the palms but I found my way.

I saw that the two rat traps by the woodpile had been triggered, the peanut butter licked off, and there was blood on the cement. 

It's always something.

The Council has a new article.  Cobra has one, it's actually relevant--it's about the madness going on now as the ASSC is being disbanded. It's the first one in a long time that resonates. I'm sure there's lies in it somehow but this one after my outbursts rang true. I do know that Divine Creator hacked the virus for the Highest Good just as soon as it came out. This is something Cobra wouldn't know.  The white spikes are continuous now for several days.

My Higher Self was very kind to me, and promised me good things today. 

I thanked her politely.

She asked me if I was feeling well? Because I didn't have anger towards her or hate her. She got upset and cried. She knows that I've been broken into submission, and I've lost my spark. She got her way. I don't even think about it any more. It's not like we're friends, we're not, I'm here and she's there, we each have our own lives to live, and I don't see any point in having a cup of tea and painting our fingernails together. I am a warrior. I am and always will be. I am in the fight of my life for Gaia. 

Yesterday wasn't the best of days. I learned from it. And now I'm going to make some long-awaited, very much needed crepes. 

Allow yourself to be human. Feel your feelings. Own them. Remember you don't have to act out on them. Know your limits. Try to stop things before, way way before you hit your limits. As we get closer to Galactic everything, at some point you are going to want to say Fuck It and just jump up on the ship and leave everything behind. The whole assignment is going to seem stupid and pointless and a waste of time.

It's worth it.

That's the message Ross gave me very strongly yesterday.

It's worth it.

So after you have your tantrum, like I had mine, you get back to work, and do what you were sent to do.

You have no idea if occultists were singling your out for 'their special treatment' (gag barf ew yuck) and sending energies to freak you out. Of if the damn 5G towers were doing directed energy at you. Or that your HS wanted you to just be a superman, and you're not, and drove you too hard.

Just roll with it, try not to micromanage or dissect it and dwell on it, and move on.

You're as strong as it gets and I thank God I get to teach you, the advanced students. It's much much easier than teaching the newbies.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple

P.S. Ross says when Carla is having a fit, he sends energy to control/comfort me. When I reject it and refuse to talk to him, then that's his learning time too. And he needs to work extra hard to help get my energy in balance. He says all of your guides will be able to keep up with you. Just give them extra time to figure out ways and to adjust. The bonds between guides and incarnates is unbreakable. Even if you tell them to go fuck themselves they won't get upset like incarnate ones would if you told them that. He says it's better to release--safetly--than swallow the anger. And that is why Carla's HS is so upset. Carla knows the score and can't release her terrible disappointment that there is someone 'up there' who put her in this environment in the first place without giving her a good reason. There is a total disconnect, and in truth, that is the only thing incarnates can do which can truly hurt us up in the higher realms. Although Angry, Carla could hear me, and she told me she 'needed her space'. Our connection is strong as ever.  To function, Carla needs a slow pace, time to enjoy life, time to create, time to teach, time to learn, and no rush. Then she can withstand just about everything, except not so much the screamers at her work.