A Good Day

I am very content.  It's hard to explain but things are turning around, and there is more joy to life. The  incessant push to write is easing to one of flow and grace, as if it dovetails in with my own life goals finally.  It sort of took over everything around 2012, and I would never change a thing, I have no regrets. But right now, after spending a day with my cousins, a beautiful day, and knowing I have plans to see family soon...that's how I like to be. My 'blueprint' in my mind for how I want to live my life is how I was in high school, working hard, but also having time for family and friends and a little enjoying life.

Yesterday I was on call. I was a little apprehensive about it. But as it was, it wasn't bad, and I got to sleep. Yes, I did go hungry from noon until eight p.m., there was no time to stop. I got called back in, but I was able to manage.  I truly enjoyed everyone I worked with, patients, staff, nurses, surgeons. My highlight was a ninety year old, sharp as a tack, who was so amazed at the 'magic of anesthesia'--it was like ten seconds! he exclaimed, with all the enthusiasm and excitement of a little kid.

I understand that I need safety, to take care of myself, and if I need to book a room at a nearby hotel, well, so be it. It is nice to put the days of sleeping in the car or on a gurney in PACU behind me.

I also don't hold grudges. One of the people at the hotel, there's high turnover--doesn't know I'm qualified for free upgrades and am supposed to get a little gift bag every stay. She gave me a 'free breakfast' but actually, when I went to use it, it's only good on Mondays and Thursdays. I said, 'it's okay I can eat at home' and had no hard feelings whatsoever.

There was a time where I used to hold a grudge for ages, but that is no more a part of me. So by my changing, my life experience is more pleasant. And there's never, ever any expectation...for anything.

My house right now has stuff EVERYWHERE. I'm going through and organizing years and years of memories and 'stuff'. It was embarrassing a little to have my cousins see it. But truth be told, I work a lot, and Anthony is fourteen. He's not going to clean it up for me. I can barely get him to clean up after himself. But it's getting somewhere. And I also like the yard a whole lot more than the house. My self-esteem is healthy, and my insight to the situation and plan to fix it are much better than they would have been even two years ago. I recognize 'house shame' isn't healthy, so I don't let myself 'go there' any more.

Spirit--most likely Ross!--gave me the plan to spend the day with my cousins. He lived in California when I was nine until twelve. Last I saw him and his wife was two years ago at Aunt Merce's one hundredth birthday party. He took Anthony fishing.  He told me when Anthony caught a fish he was so excited it was like he won the lottery. Anthony wanted to keep the fish. But he explained to him how if he's not going to eat it, the fish won't live, so it's better to put it back. He joked that Anthony wanted to mount it on the wall or something and it was just a tiny fish (he showed me with his fingers). It was fun.

Spirit said to do as California a day as possible and to 'blow them away'. So I did. We went to a local trendy shopping center. They've never been to Dave and Buster's. So we did SkeeBall and other games. There was a giant Rock'em Sock'em robots and they played.   They loved the fountains and the bustle of the area. We had lunch at the Yard House. My cousin ordered orange chicken. And my heart melted because it was too spicy for him. People from New England aren't used to spicy, and what is considered mild here is a lot for them. He drank two lemonades and a water because of the heat. His wife had the macaroni and cheese. She and I both had Hawaiian mules (kind of like mint mojitos). I had a chicken sandwich and french fries.  It was wonderful to relax and talk.

Then I took them to the Pacific Marine Mammal Center. We saw some California sea lions and harbor seals that were on the mend. It's a small facility, and many volunteers help it. But two of the pups were playing with their food at feeding time. They would shake their heads, and half of the fish in their mouth would go flying across the tank, and they would go get it. It was a free, but also, meaningful thing to share. This is the rescue place where a mammal is stranded on the beach, they get called and the truck goes to help it.

Afterwards we went to a beach where the releases are done. It's a less-popular area, and beautiful. Seeing the ocean, climbing on the tide pools was so incredible, for them because it's a long way from home, and for me, because it was out in the fresh air and I wasn't sleepy.

I drove us home along Pacific Coast Highway. I stopped by a little coffee shop. I tried a citrus latte, wasn't very citrusy...but there was an outdoor fireplace, and we sat by it and talked.

When it comes right down to it, life doesn't mean as much without family and friends to share the joy.  My work 'family' is incredible, wonderful amazing people, I love them so. But being with someone I've known since I was little? Sharing news about cousins and aunties and everyone, even knowing how much we all miss my dad...it's priceless.

I will sleep with a full heart today. Days like these are precious gifts. Treasure them. I didn't think once, not for one second, about people waking up or politics or the cost of living. I wish every day could be like this.  I really do. For everyone.

I want to share about a conversation I had at work with a scheduler. Life is incredibly difficult for her. She works full time. Same shift as always. But she's basically living paycheck to paycheck and money is tight. She couldn't see her family thirty miles away for Thanksgiving because there's no money for gas. And she wants to change her hours so she can have her husband help with the child care--because no one will watch your kid here for less than twenty dollars an hour. She and her husband are looking for other options--to relocate somewhere where the cost of living is more affordable--but nothing is opening up.

This is the working poor.

It's hard because as my cousin shared, there was a woman back in the day when he lived in California, she was working with the welfare office, and also taking seventeen welfare checks in different names because she knew how to work the system.

There's government assistance, and we see some of these patients who receive the aid coming in to the hospital with super expensive designer things none of us working at the hospital could afford.  It makes us sad.

But when I walked out into the cold last night, with only a paper O.R. jacket to warm me, I knew in my heart that no one should be without shelter. No one should go hungry. No one should be working poor.  It's not right. It's against everything Heaven is about--nurturing, warmth, love and compassion.

How can there be help without people taking advantage? I don't know.

It is my hope that Service to Others totally overtakes and eliminates Service to Self. In the near future. Then my joy will be overwhelming!

I've heard talk of everyone getting a minimum living stipend every month. Not sure who's going to pay for it. But until the Service to Self is eliminated, completely, I don't see how greed can be prevented from raising the cost of living for everything so that the minimum stipend can help ease any of the financial distress. How can it even be possible?

I know there is a lot of 'sporting interest' in Ascension. I know there's a lot of watching this and reading that. I share those things here and it's of interest to me. However, I know in my heart, that's not where the data on how close we are to Ascending is. The changes in my personality over the years, to be more loving and calm and generous...that's it. That's the data I seek. How I'm different from how I was two or ten years ago. My contentment and happiness is another data point. How accepting I am of 'what is' is another.

How are your data points?

And when all of our points add up? That's the avalanche. There's no going back. Service to Self tries to lay low and re-emerge during these high-vibration phases. When our own vibration reaches the next level, as a collective, even then they can't hide. Their strategy of laying low and infiltrating won't be successful as it has been in the past. The low vibration of service to self really stands out. Everyone can see it for what it is. Their tricks don't work. We are free.

Here's to more good days.




Ross

This is my Carla and I love her. Our message to you is that everyone needs a break. No matter how hard they are working. And everyone has a right to enjoy something beautiful. Carla's cousin shared how he was out of work back in 1974 when he first moved to California. He and his first wife lived for two months with a cooler and a propane camp stove. They had to get ice every two days.

For the first time Carla learned that her uncle Dave got a used refrigerator and stove for them. Buddy wasn't sure if her Aunt put her husband Dave up to it, or he did it, but it meant the world to him.

Carla's grandfather Gilbert asked Buddy how the job search was going? Buddy said it was not going so well. Gilbert asked him if he had a phone? Buddy didn't, and there were no cell phones back then. So Carla's grandfather installed a phone and paid for it until Buddy could get back on his feet. A job did come along.

The couple ate dinner almost every night at Carla's parent's house. They helped to support them too.

This is family.

And Buddy, on his days before he found work, would ride his bicycle to the ocean, many, many miles, just so he wasn't sitting around.

Carla's father gave a motorcycle to Buddy, when he was working. He offered a car, but Buddy chose the motorcycle because it takes less gasoline and cheaper to maintain.

The last part to share is a story about Aunt Merce's ninetieth birthday. Another Uncle of Carla was flown out as a surprise. Nobody told her. They dressed him up in a chauffeur's uniform. So when she was being driven to the party, he was at the wheel.   It took two more people being picked up from their houses for her to recognize his face, that it was him!  You can only imagine her squeals of delight at the surprise, at the recognition of a loved one who lives many miles away, who went to all this trouble just to honor her. To share her joy.

With this thought I will go...





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Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,

Ross and Carla
The Twins

Happy Thanksgiving!

Good morning! At this station is Ross. Today it is dark and raining heavily outside our home. We are grateful for this shelter and pray for everyone across the globe to soon know what it is like to be warm, safe and dry.

Our hearts have been on quite the journey the last six or seven years now, and my beloved wife is resting and relaxing for the past three days. There had been a promise for Thanksgiving in her place, and fortunately, her youngest sister's family rose to the occasion. Carla is not ready yet. She did have the joy to go through many old papers, and fortunately found her pair of eyeglasses she had been looking for with no success for eighteen months. She had misplaced them when they were new. Now her vision is razor-sharp, clear focus compared to her old glasses she wore around the house. There has always been a new pair for work and for travel. But for home Carla was making do with her two old pairs.

How often do we 'make do'?

With the little things? With the big ones? With the car that perhaps is paid off but not in the peak for safety and performance? With the home that isn't quite right for us. With the glasses or something which affects our health not for the better?

How have we come to compromise on our health just to provide a roof over our heads?

This is where Carla is growing to experience the power of manifesting. Just recently it happened twice. First with her thinking of someone who had terrible pancreatic cancer and hadn't heard from in years. Next thing you know, he writes a blog post after a long hiatus! And her mentor, Jonathan, reached out, after many many months! Only this time they are talking about winding down their careers...ways to find work which are easier on the body and 'people aren't trying to die on you every five minutes' in the O.R.

We need each other. (he interlaces his fingers). This we know and have gone over many a time.

We need reassurance that the interconnections we have are still vital, between our hearts and those we care about. For in being human, truly, except for those living off the grid who are hunters and trappers, we depend upon others to survive.

Everything happens for the best. (he points to his head) I want you to know that the vibrations of the earth and our 'milieu' of energy around it are at some of the highest vibrational frequencies that they have ever been. This leads to very quick manifestation.

So what is in your heart?

Yes some things in the news are sad, even the koalas who are burnt.

Would you like to help them?

Imagine the koalas being given everything they need, and uniting humanity in their noble effort, and their thriving in the new forests again.  I want you to paint a picture, a photographic detailed one in your mind, and reflect on it every day. In this way you are writing the future for everyone which is of mutual benefit to all.

You can imagine a world where the homeless are clean and well fed. This is what I see https://www.boredpanda.com/drug-addiction-before-after-photos/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=organic&fbclid=IwAR2JLgD-I44aOlqXxLHK_S4vtuVGMkHVMtLPbx5JULDtUtybR04Ixa_YvYg. When I look at someone I always see the highest possibility for them--which in truth everyone will reach in an instant once they are in 5D.  It is miracles like this which are possible and worth striving for. Everyone has a chance as long as they have breath in their body -- chance to change for the better, to take the higher road, to fall down and get back up again.

Carla's father often told a story of a group of people who were seated at a table who had very long spoons tied to their hands. The spoons were so long that they couldn't reach their mouths with them to eat. They were miserable and tired and hungry. This was hell. And then, there was the same table, and the same spoons and a completely different result--everyone was happy, and content. This was heaven. And in heaven, the people were feeding each other.  There you have it, service to self, service to others, and how it stacks up.

Do your best to enjoy the holidays. Be open of the heart! Do not let  others take advantage of you through your sympathy (many fundraisers and end of year commercials unnecessarily pull at the heart strings with psychological science to separate you from your money)...but be generous and kind without undue burden onto yourself. Do not go into debt. Celebrate within your means. And thereby you will prosper. If you know how, do choose to send Reiki to persons and places where there is an abundance of stress, to help assuage it.

And remember to absorb all the beautiful love I and Carla and ours and YOUR Star Families are sending you this holiday season!!! Soak it in and we want you to enjoy it!!!



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Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,

Ross and Carla
The Couple who love you and you are beautiful and dear to us, every single day!

Leaps and Bounds

It's happening!

Medicine is waking up.  Conventional medicine, in a small community hospital and surgery center, is really becoming open and accepting of all of these forms of healing!  It is as if the corks have come off the bottles and everything is flowing together...for the benefit of all.

On Monday I couldn't have my lunch packed in time so I skipped it. Good thing I did! We had a potluck at the surgery center.  The center had brought in Honeybaked ham (2) and turkey (1). I went to thank the director and guess what she had on her desk by her computer?  Rose quartz, black tourmaline and something else. Big pieces!

Also, on the wall in the break room, was a signup for a kundalini yoga/sound bath experience on the solstice at the surgery center (it's a weekend). Our charge nurse has teacher certification, and sometimes she brings it in just for us. 

I was talking with one of the nurses, and we were very frank and open about lives between lives and life after death. I shared with her my experiences with Dr. Dao. And she shared that her sister who died of cancer also sends messages. She turns the heat and the A/C off and on. And also her sister sends someone to encourage her when she's really out of hope. You see, someone took advantage of her sister and changed the will when she wasn't in her right mind. So they are taking legal action.

In addition we used our medical and personal experience to talk about the cancer, and how it can be present before diagnosis, and affect thinking if it is present in the brain. She distinguished between chemo brain and cancer brain...how you can tell by the behavior and thinking what is what.

She's a very kind soul. She actually gave me a labradorite candle months ago. She asked me 'what is your favorite crystal' and was excited to bring it in for me. I think it was from Home Goods...

I had my Affirmator cards (the 'unicorn card' deck) and brought them to everyone at the facility to help them through their day. Everyone enjoyed it. I spread the cards out, people use their hands to scan over the deck and get the one that 'feels right'.  One woman, a tech who does eyes, wanted the money card. She didn't draw it, but she drew it again, and she did, only it was Manifestation. To her, it is one and the same. She was very happy.

Another very financially motivated nurse who had left us about six months ago, was back for per diem. She shared with a smile she is working on her Conscious Awareness with her daily Dr. Chopra meditation video. 

Here we have aromatherapy, crystals, Reiki (me at the surgery center, even more than me at the hospital)...and everything is okay. It's accepted and not forced on anyone. 

The future for healing looks bright.  People want to heal.

I have heard a story. Some alternative healer had such a track record, that the people who diagnosed the cancers in the first place reported them to the board for making the cancer disappear in over fifty patients.  This is a 'push back' or 'change back' message commonly seen when one member of a community goes into 'recovery'--doing the right thing. As it stands, everything is way under the radar as much as possible but the evidence speaks for itself.

As this healer says it, 'cancers have something that cause the tumor to grow. If you take out the tumor you still haven't taken away what caused it to grow. You must take away the factors that contribute to the tumor formation'.

As an energy healer, I can see clearly that the energy imbalance is still present after surgery.

In time we will see Truth. And the highest forms of healing will be available to all.




Ross is happy, content, and quiet. He was very very quiet yesterday. And today he just smiles and wave hello.



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Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,

Ross and Carla
The Twins

All Is Quiet On The Home Front

We have a saying here, 'after the ecstasy, the laundry'...I have just come off of one of the most pleasant weekends I have had in a very long time.  My house is still a mess. I still have work today. But the rest, the relaxation, and the sense of well-being is unsurpassed.

I was on call Friday night. However, the O.R. cases all finished around the same time, and I was able to check in to the hotel when I had anticipated. Around seven thirty p.m.  I went to my room, and I was actually quite ready for bed. Instead,  Ross suggested I go to the coffee shop to buy a cup of hot herbal tea. I took the sweet orange kind, a very big cup, and went back to my room to read for one hour. Reading is one of my absolute favorite things to do, next to writing.

I made sure the volume was up on my phone, and when I was tired I fell asleep.

Thankfully my alarm was the first thing to wake me up. I made myself a cup of coffee in the room, had a bosc pear and an orange, and read a little more. Anthony had a basketball game. I cleaned up and made it there on time.

After that, my time was free! I've been wanting to find a bottle of the yuzu light sparkling beverage Leona I had last time I went to sushi. Five minutes from the gym was a local asian market, Mitsuwa. This one seemed small. I noticed it had some things, but not everything like some other ones I have been shopping at. I couldn't find a donabe clay pot I'd promised a surgeon. But...I found the salad dressing Anthony loves and some other wonderful things. I cook with sake and needed a new bottle. I got organic kind.

Once home, on Saturday I cleaned things like I described. But I also made it a point to enjoy the garden, and the sunshine. Yesterday I did 'lots of laundry' like Ross suggested, and I enjoyed the outdoors too. With work like mine, I hardly ever see the sun. But yesterday, I even went for a walk around the neighborhood! Sunshine and fresh air, visiting people I know just briefly. The best part was when I told my neighbor who sold me the house I was going to plant bulbs all along the front walkway...she paused. She said she had been meaning to give me something for a long time...

She gave me an empty box of St. Joseph statue with a prayer. She had him buried in the yard to bring us good luck with the sale! He is face down and head towards the door. I exclaimed with joy that San Giuseppe is the patron saint of my mom's village back home, San Biagio Platani, and he always protects us!! She was so surprised. She knew I was Catholic but that she didn't know.

It made me smile to think how the angels protect us and work together.

In the back yard, I thanked Ross profusely for the home and especially the garden. I just love it, being able to plant things. I placed the spikes of fertilizer (organic) on Saturday. I read the package and was like--oops, I didn't make enough.   I also was delighted to discover that my shredder--ten page capacity--can and does shred cardboard if you slice it into thin strips with a box cutter. I'm using it both for compost and for mulch. It had been bothering me how my mail order packages create so much cardboard waste. Now since I bought the boxes too, I can take care of it without having to fill up my recycle bin which the kitchen manages to fill on its own.

Ross wants me to talk about the bokashi. It's a little overrated. The 'tea' from the bottom is good fertilizer, that's for sure. And that's why I don't think I'll be doing the spikes. But it takes a long time for things to decompose, longer than the ground. So I keep my kitchen wastes for the ground, and the bigger ones that aren't appropriate for the ground (meat, dairy), I put into the bokashi bin. I have to let things sit like six weeks in a bin to decompose in there, so I bought an extra pair of bins.

I sat on the porch swing and spoke with Ross around the sunset, maybe a little before.

He asked me what was the hardest thing about being incarnate?

It was watching him die.

He asked me to explain.

I said I had always looked up to him, in many lifetimes. He's awesome. And it was painful to see that kind of awesome get hurt and be taken away from me. I'm glad he's okay now. And I asked him if I can relax and trust that he is going to be awesome forever from here on out?  He reassured me that yes, he will most definitely be awesome forever, and I don't have to ever worry about that again.

Then his next question surprised me. He asked me what is the best part about being incarnate?

I had to pause. It's the kind of pause that allows your heart to speak. And it did, I listened and I was sure. It was Ross.

He asked in what way?

I said because in this incarnation, now, I know I am never alone. I always have a friend. Actually, all of my guides and star family. But mostly him. He was very thoughtful and quiet after that.

Anthony came home. I made him a very late lunch, and also, in time, dinner. We had rack of lamb, sweet potato, radishes cooked in the roasting pan (Ross suggested it), and a dessert I made with apples from the yard, persimmons, and pomegranate arils all baked together and topped with whipped cream. Ross suggested I have a nice red wine to go with it. I had a glass of pinot noir. Anthony had our last cucumber/melon sparkling water.

We watched the movie, 'Mildred Pierce' with dinner. If you haven't seen it, it's an old psychological thriller with Joan Crawford and it's in black and white. Anthony humors me when I have us watch the old movies, but also, he watches and soaks it in and learns. Last time we watched It Happened One Night with Claudette Colbert and Clark Gable, he enjoyed it. This one he enjoyed solving the murder.

Ross has given me two anniversary gifts.

Just yesterday, much to my amazement. I hadn't expected anything, and I sure hadn't gotten him anything. When I was at my hair appointment, that's when I see him best. And he had given me a ring, a very large and sparkling one. I was like, 'you're sure, you mean it?' and he was on one knee. We do this every few years, we recommit. And this time I felt his love, his pride in taking care of me and providing, his sincerity from his heart. I feel these things because I'm his Twin, but also, it was the first time I've felt him like that. This was last week. Tuesday.  But Saturday, he guided me, and sure enough, I saw his intentions, and it makes me feel like a princess. It's a stone from our days in India. And the price was very affordable, so much so that the deal here more than outweighs the loss I recently had experienced.

There is one more thing, very very rare, he added just for us.

I go to work feeling refreshed and renewed. I will get ready soon. But I wanted to share with you a side of Ross you might never have guessed he had, not from his stories about his teaching and his travels. He is a family man, an ardent one, and he looks out for his own.

I think this might be why this Gaia Portal is so timely.  I knew when I heard Giuliani say that something was coming down of 'Biblical proportions' that is was probably Ross. And with his gifts, I know, he will get to me when he can. I used to have fantasies about him coming to me and Anthony first when he comes back, although through my medical and engineering training I knew it was improbable. Because of his rank and the importance of this project, I'm sure there is a lot he has to do face to face with people of similar job titles here on earth. He will come to us when the time is right, I have no worries, I am calm and prepared. In the meantime, I can enjoy watching him work. It's one of my favorite things. It's electrifying and magnetic to see him in action. And with my own two eyes, it's a total blessing to see and to know he's back and he's healthy and he's strong...doing whatever he does.



Ross is quiet, and thoughtful, and content. He's been calling me his bride all last night while I was making dinner. It makes us both happy when he talks to me like that.



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Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,

Ross and Carla
The Twins

Vengeance

Today was a fascinating day. I slept all night while on call. I spent an hour reading and relaxing before I went to Anthony's game. I also have taken a new tack with his dad, and I am truly being nice to him.  I am open, honest, not guarded, and genuinely interested in his life, for example, his recent trip to Hawaii with his girlfriend and her son.

Life is easier that way.

Just like the reason I don't lie is because it's way easier not to have to remember what you said...being a mom, being Anthony's advocate, our lives are easier when I just let things be.  Before, I used to appease his father. But now, I am grounded, and totally emotionally detached, so I can be friendly and in truth, a friend to him. For example, there was five dollar cash admission to the game. I've paid sixteen dollars (one bottle of water and three games) just to watch Anthony play. His dad had to go to an ATM. I said--and I meant it--just text me and I'll cover for you, you've covered for me in the past, it's no big deal.

Is this vengeance?

No. Not on your life. See the little cigar box? Mine says Vengeance on it. I've never noticed. I've only used them to store things. But, today was the day I found my gwindels!!! They were in the cigar box, that's why I couldn't find them. Ooops! I'm so happy and glad to have found them. I have four, none of them fancy like that one from Bern. Just little ones who needed a heart to love them.  I was very, very happy.

Does this have anything to do with Grump?

Not on your life.

But then again, I am not above a little click bait every now and then!

Anyhow, yesterday was a remarkable day in the Operating Room. Everyone was nice, people were content and happy. I also was able to go 'full circle' as a healer. I took care of a pituitary resection case and was able to let the patient know I, too, have been through such a surgery. The equipment these days is miraculous! Mine was a 'miracle' back in the day because they didn't need to do a craniotomy, they went through my nose. But this was a super miracle because the instruments are much smaller, and the neurosurgeon didn't even need an ENT for the approach, and the navigation (live MRI type imaging) was super accurate the whole time.

There was a long time ago, once upon a time, a twenty-five year old pituitary patient at Moffat Hospital at UCSF, throwing up blood violently all afternoon. Her own blood. And it was so many times she was weary of making the nurse have to change her gown. She challenged the nurse, and said, 'why do you even bother, I'm only going to make it a mess again...'  The nurse looked her in the eye--Debbie Fetzer Wells--and said from her heart, 'we can't let you be like that here, we just can't' and she changed my gown with a smile and caring. I'll never forget her hand gently resting on my back supporting me as I heaved.   That day I made a request of God. I prayed, 'Dear Father, please don't let me have thrown up my own blood in vain.'

Yesterday was proof God answers prayers.

Not one but two people in recovery room wanted to talk to me. Both patients. One had a repeat procedure but with a colleague not me. She saw me and flagged me over. She said she always feels so safe that I'll be watching over her (I've taken care of her many times). And the other had surgery during the week, with me, but her mom just had surgery that day. She gave me a big hug.

It's starting to bear fruit.

There is a little white board in the hall. People decorate it with timely upbeat messages. I did Wednesday. And for Friday, someone put something hilarious like the only decision to make is bottle or glass.  People are exuberant, and actively lifting others up.

The nurses, the doctors, the patients, the staff all of us are living our purpose. All the years of Reiki have helped.

Today, Ross helped me. I was getting some sunshine in the hammock, and thankful that there are many others around the world who would be thankful for the warm weather. He asked me what was most difficult? I had called for him, I felt overwhelmed. I told him I felt like with the new house I'd bitten off more than I can chew to organize it, and I felt like there was no way I could ever succeed. I cried in his arms. He gently said to take care of things that have to do with cleanliness and health safety first. So I did. I threw out the trash. I took care of the bokashi bins. I dumped the compost container on the counter top into the garden, and cleaned up both the bunny and her cage. I compost her litter. Later I watered the garden. The plants were very dry, even though we had rain on Thursday.

Ross also had me do a sudoku. And at sunset, I made myself a mojito with mint from the yard, and sat at the picnic table with a little cheese and crackers. There was a funny shaped cloud, one almost with a keel of a boat, and I felt Ross lifting a glass and saying hello to me too.

We have a lot of cardboard boxes. I ordered some furniture for the office. So I opened them. I thought perhaps to compost them too. I looked it up. My wish list is a cardboard converter to create packing material from it. But I can shred it (heavy duty shredders are kind of expensive--like $150) or simply wet it and tear it.

The bracelet project is still going on. There was a lull after the first shipment. The reason is that I need to boost the inventory, and also, make a video. The bubble mailers arrived, I just opened the box. The Ghirardelli chocolates are here, as well as the packaging to make it festive. It is a total joy to see how many are contributing to the giveaway. It really it the first time Doctors With Reiki as a community is working together to heal one another in such a nice, tangible way. We heal one another often with our Reiki...but this is very good indeed.

Thanksgiving is upon us, and our goal is to be ready to spread the word right before the holiday season begins.   I have this week's receipts and donations to add onto the list. I need to tally them.

The best kind of vengeance is to forget such a thing exists and be happy. I would have loved that gwindel from Bern. And I really would have loved to keep my fourteen hundred dollars. What frustrates me is that the sender did such a shitty job taping the package it looks pretty obvious that someone wanted another person to get into it. I got the runaround from all the companies involved--kind of says something there about our society--and long story short, change is good! I'm looking into a new credit card to meet our needs besides Discover.  Most important is I've forgiven myself for the mistake. Many times in the past I have ascribed it to 'wrong place at the wrong time' (fate). This time, I just decided it was another one of my many life lessons, and I did the best I could, and that was that.

I am so very much looking forward to having tomorrow off! A free weekend...well, post-call today, but still!




Ross

(he clears his throat. He pauses and looks quizzically at the audience/readers. I am starting to feel the electricity like I did back in the day when he was about to speak to a crowd. It was his purpose, he was always totally stoked for it, and his personality was absolutely riveting and magnetic.  I kind of tease him and call him my 'movie star'--but in a way, I'm just calling a spade a spade and not joking too.)

Carla has been reading the book 'Masterminds and Wingmen' to help her guide Anthony through the 'boy world'.  She has learned a lot from the book (author's last name is Wiseman) and also found peace.  Long story short, you have to have values to live by, and to stick by them--communicating effectively to your son and acknowledging that some areas in life are grey. The most important is how everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect because they are alive and human.

There was a part about bullying where the definition was someone uses their position of power to make someone else feel humiliated.

'Aha!' Carla thought to herself--I know because I can sense what she is feeling due to our Twin bond connection--'This has been what has been going on with my work for a long time! Every day!'

It's true.

Carla has been bullied by the doctors in her group, by her nurses who run the board, and by the hospital itself with forcing her to get a flu shot--or else wear a mask and not be able to breathe the whole winter.

This is insight.

Well, how come Carla, bright as she is, didn't notice it until reading that book today?

How come, Carla, who has spent twenty years working and training, who has been in this environment, her 'home away from home'--didn't have a clue?

Because she wanted LOVE. Love, acceptance, meaning and financial stability. Carla has been hurting herself to support her family and care for her patients because it is expected of someone in her profession. It's as simple as that.

I want to take you down to a seemingly disconnected path and introduce how the slippery slope that Carla found herself on, affects us all. Through six steps of grooming our society has been brought to its knees--just like it happened to the survivor of human trafficking.

These steps are:

1. Befriend
2. Intoxicate
3. Alienate
4. Isolate
5. Desensitize
6. Capitalize

Source https://childproofamerica.org/6-step-recruiting-process

The daughter was a slave, a sex-slave, totally brainwashed into thinking her behaviors were a sign of love to her 'family'--the traffickers who ensnared her--and she was 'carrying her weight' by trading sex for money. She never saw her money!  Here is a link to the original article Carla read today: https://www.theepochtimes.com/trafficking_3152248.html

My point is, that there is a loophole in the human condition which makes anyone vulnerable to an organized, well coordinated effort to condition someone vulnerable into doing the unspeakable...by tiny approximations which are just under the threshold of putting up a warning/danger response.

That being said, although these methods are highly effective, they are not perfect, and a few people find their way out, like Courtney did. 

These six steps are applicable to marketing for just about anything to make a profit for those who jerry-rig the system.

The modern educational system takes the child out of the home, much to the delight of the parent in the early stages--it's fun for the child, they socialize, the parent gets a break to do housework and the child learns useful things and is creative. The child is deprived of freedom to explore their world and Nature. At the end we have a productive worker. In the medical community, there are the academic physicians who create the 'Maintenance of Certification' process the non-academic ones must demonstrate competence on even after graduation. It's tough. These workers are pitted against one another -- so they can't wake up and organize against the system.

How about housewives who traded housework for the career? That is a loophole the society closed up. Women at home were free to organize against the system. They had the social networks between the moms who could have alerted everyone that something was up. So now there are two workers per family, not one, and they consume consume consume--childcare, gasoline, meals out...

In Sports a lot of money passes hands, and in quick succession all six steps create a 'fan'--in L.A. a Giants fan had traumatic brain injury from a Dodger fan, simply for being of the opposite team. 

Which brings us to our last point--citizens who are easily 'triggered'. Here is an article:  https://www.theepochtimes.com/the-university-is-infantilizing-its-students-says-dennis-prager_3151776.html.

Here is another example:  https://www.thecollegefix.com/video-college-republicans-president-hit-in-face-for-holding-all-lives-matter-sign/?fbclid=IwAR3QTm2zIhHflLuL4uS1uiDQ1zvOD-YLY12GL2cMpMHIL_UtFPtLp9mcyRo

Now here is the truth:  TWDNHOBIAH have weaponized people. Humans. They have applied science to the detriment of the victim in MK Ultra/Monarch programming. And this is only the tip of the iceberg.  Now we have an entire population who are easily 'triggered' and prone to emotional outbursts. People who don't think, they react, and they feel justified in their outbursts. 

That is the truth. 

Someone had once said, 'I have come to set brother against brother and father against son...https://biblehub.com/luke/12-53.htm'  and https://biblehub.com/matthew/10-21.htm...  this is being fulfilled as we speak. It is because of the brainwashing. The six simple steps which have taken root, to the extent that many do not wish to hear the truth. As Courtney who was trafficked mentioned, it is very painful to come to terms with the truth of what one has become. It was by the grace of God she woke up and got out of her situation, she believes it is her purpose to help others to find their freedom. But as you can see by the 'step five' note to parents, in their link, and in the main article--very few people are able to be saved after that point.

Do not be afraid, LOVE will overpower all initial reactions.  But for how long those reactions, and the dysphoria of awakening will effect others, that is to be discovered as the awakening continues.  Remember when you first took the red pill, and you had to let it sink in? It unsettled you to know the truth. Perhaps the shock took one week back then, with little after shocks randomly happening. 

This was when only you awakened yourself. You were at your own pace and you woke up when you were ready.

Well, the rest of it is going to be like some huge party, where the person of honor flips on the lights and everybody and his brother jumps out of the woodwork yelling SURPRISE!! and the person of honor has a near shit in his pants from the 'awakening'--even though it is for a good thing, a birthday party. It is a shock.

Now imagine how it would feel for a surprise, that keeps on surprising, and it is about the worst thing anyone could imagine--people in power and positions of trust betrayed you? Hmmmm?

There we have the shoe on the the other foot now, for those who have been imploring us to awaken, let's get this over with!, let's all everybody go HOME.  It is daunting, the challenge and task we have before us. No one can go home until the thing is settled and we are out of the unrest. Globally. The dark ones have been under our surveillance and control for some time now. It's the last phase of the 'trap' that they had set up--the weaponization of the general public to react and to react badly.

This is why we have been asking you to be love 24/7, to anchor the energies. This extra time allowed just enough of the population (the tipping point) to be awake enough to act as the control rods in the furious reactor as the awakening proceeds.

You are not alone, you are always up to the challenge, and in fact you have mastered these skills before, many times. That's why you are here on earth where you are needed, so badly needed.

(he gives a cowboy whoop and a fist win the air).  Let's let bygones be bygones (such as Carla did with Jared, and also with the gwindel) and prepare ourselves mentally, emotionally, and physically for what comes next. Spiritually, you are all at the top of your game, and eternally connected to your teams for support.

That is enough for today.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Friends you have known since you were little <3

Medicine Is Free

I woke up with a vision of a dragon eating an apple. The Dragon was green but otherwise this direction, and size--tail to the left. The apple was in its mouth, but it was a big apple, even bigger than his head.

It is a sign.


Let us amuse you with some of the photos we came across trying to find the 'dragon eating an apple one'...

Here is a dragon you can eat, made of rice, gooseberries, blueberries, kiwi and apple.

There is is from another perspective.

If you look closely at this one, there is a gecko on the apple! Funny right?


Now let us share something that has resonated with Carla very strongly, and if you are one of our readers, you would understand why it would resonate with her:  https://opmed.doximity.com/articles/doctors-are-fleeing-abusive-medicine?_remember_me_attempted=yes.

Even yesterday was ruined because of the politics. The scheduler wanted a day off, and asked Carla to take his very low paying assignment. Carla has a little money pressure, so she said 'yes'. She was to come in at one.  Well, a colleague texted and called her, because he wanted a break from 11 to 1. To go see his doctor, he said. She said she could make it at eleven thirty. She started his case. He would take hers at one. Well, he didn't show up. Her boss came in the room asking for him. She said what she knew. But after the long case, when it was time to go home, another partner who thinks she doesn't like to work because she takes so much time off due to Anthony's needs (illness, sports), said he had a sore throat. Would she please do one more case?  Ross had counseled her to say yes, to appear as a 'team player' to all of the three requests. But he also counseled her next time to say no. And next week there is much, much-wanted, time off. Everything runs on favors...and it is important to keep the peace.

We will provide the comments Carla selected as proof that this woman author who claims medicine is abusive resonates resoundingly strongly with other physicians. As Fair Use we are going to put it at the end.

As always there are lessons, optional ones, which are hard to digest and we never expect anyone to make themselves sick over it, but for those who are curious, and want to understand the what is going on with the world around them, here are options for you to increase your knowledge:

1. The toppling of Medicine is no accident. It has been planned centuries ago. The only way to take down a society is to both weaken the people, demoralize them, and to take down their elite (well-educated leaders). It happens time and time again. Only this time, it is the 'outside forces' that the doctors are starting to feel, and decide to 'stay or go'--but in truth, it is all going to 'go' anyways and workers will be robotic (humans who are total and completely controlled by the system with no questioning it). 
2. Child prostitution is making children work. There are laws in just about every nation across the globe against child labor.  Legally, even though child prostitution is a crime, there's a lot of contention about it because the people who do it to blackmail other famous people want to keep doing it. But NO ONE is going to be able to argue against illegal child labor. No one. It is indefensible now in two dimensions--morally and philosophically, and now legally in two different axis of bad.
3. The wanting to know secrets is the human version of 'curiosity killed the cat'--here we see a video of a female May-Sonnn-Ick chapter, actually two who won't talk to each other in the past but acknowledge one another, and an optometrist who goes up a rank. That feeling of being 'in' and 'accepted' and 'earning' is highly seductive. Remember Rank 33 equals human sacrifice. And as I look at it, I see in my own view, another form of the church of Say-Tan all dressed up. Even stealing the letter G from Divine Creator. Someone has a chip on their shoulder in a big way, Say-Tan. These grandmothers say over and over, 'we are just like everybody else' and 'we are no worse than anyone else'. Right. If you are creative, just imagine similar rituals going back to the times of Egypt--where they wore similar costumes--and Babylon---and Atlantis before that. Possibly even off planet somewhere...here's the fifteen minute video:  

The Secret World of Female Free....

It's going to be okay.

And here is another sign, a video I saw, which yesterday I saw with new eyes.

Watch it and observe the influence of an Archangel incarnate on the masses. Even on you. You will have tears in your eyes to watch it.  And Chamuel (IZ) wasn't even aware who or what he was, and had so many challenges!  And Chamuel's energy is pure, pure angelic power and love...it just melts everything and gets right to the heart. So don't worry about all the creepy grandmas who are part of the Gnu Wurlt Ordah. LOL.  

Our future is set and more and more Archangels and Angels are going to be consciously spreading their light like this:  

Carla's favorite song by IZ

Clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple who are family with you

Attachment:

Comments to first article

Allergy & Immunology · edited · Jan 20

I very much appreciate the heart wrenching stories here and I realize that medicine today does not even closely resemble what we were taught and practiced all of our lives. But, the main point is that these discouraged physicians really do CARE! If they didn't, they would just quit, walk away and NOT WRITE ANYTHING! I see and hear a lot of compassion here and yearning for 'a better pathway' for patients and providers. I urge those of you who are frustrated with the current state of affairs in medicine (corporate medicine..) DO NOT leave. Rather let's creatively work towards a venue that will restore the dignity to physicians and patients. Realize that we as physicians are too busy to nurture and sustain any 'program' we agree upon for change. But, we too can hire the brightest and the best to help us with our objective.
A parting thought... No one.. not even a motivated physician can sustain long hours of work, isolation, degradation, sleep, food, and psychological deprivation and still be the bright-eyed Polly Anna top of their game optimist. You have to have something else that 'juices your jets' so you can go back to the "War". If you don't have a hobby or interest outside of medicine,(I know you will say, but I don't have time...)You MUST make the time to do something else for your sanity.

Do this simple exercise:
On a blank sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle.
On the left, list all the things that make you happy ie Stuff you love. BUT YOU CAN'T LIST ANYTHING TO DO WITH MEDICINE.
On the right, list all the things you really dislike ie stuff you hate. Again you can't list anything to do with medicine.
Your sheet would look something like this:

STUFF I LOVE STUFF I HATE
My dogs PIcking up dog poop
Listening to music Whiners
A good read Cleaning the garage
Cooking/ good food Long distance driving
Traveling with my dogs Cold weather

If you can't write down more than 1 or 2 items in the left hand column... you are burning out.. or maybe you are there and need to rethink your life.

Take some 'time out' and study these items. Even if only 5 minutes per day (but set a daily 'sacred' time for yourself) to do at least one thing daily that you LOVE.

Look at how much of the right hand column is dominating your life. Think about what you can do to decrease the amount of 'stuff you hate' in your life. Maybe I should hire a high school student (who loves dogs) to pick up the outdoor dog poop in the kennel a couple of times a week etc.

I think we as health care providers look out for everyone EXCEPT our selves. If we don't nurture our psyche, then we get depressed.
These are only thoughts... But I can tell you this.

MY DOGS (and I didn't grow up with a dog) are the reason I can go back to work in corporate medicine. Also, the GREAT people I have met in the dog world have opened my eyes to new cultures. I write for the Dog Journals (I used to write medical papers... ) I have learned photography because I have to submit photos with the Dog Articles. Now, I nurture others writers to write for the Dog Journals (two of those have been nominated for writing awards and one MD author won a big award for his poetry on the 1st try!)

Finally, physicians are very competitive people. We were trained to be that way. But now we are forced to 'fit the mold' of corporate culture. We no longer have any input into the system. There is even a document out there in 'suit land' that systematic outlines how to mold physician behaviour so that the physicians psyche becomes dependent upon the institution.

We need to nurture each other. Not telling someone else how to 'fix' their life but just listening... that's a trait very few physicians ever learn to do. Listening to someone who is frustrated is cathartic for them and improves your understanding of the 'problem'.

Know that the system puts you under a lot of pressure. You are trying to deliver the best care you can... under difficult restraints... You can't change everything overnight... but you CAN and DO still deliver the best patient care than any one else on the team.

These are just thoughts from one physician... GOOD LUCK!

Like   ·   Reply   ·   1 Like

James Lilja, MD 
Obstetrics & Gynecology · 12/24/18

Not to beat a dead horse, but the biggest thing is the payment system. Your work on a patient is done first, for either zero money or a “copay” that costs less than a haircut, then you are forced to beg for payment to a multi billion dollar insurer or the government. You have to pay 5-12% of that to employ an army of people to try to extract your payment over months, dealing with uneducated “customer service” idiots on the other end all controlled by ex-nurses and MDs who are incentivized yo deny and delay payment. All of this is under the legal auspices of “claims adjustment” which means you have no rights at all to be compensated. Oh yeah, if you talk to your colleagues about what one of the abusive “private” (read quasi-government) corporations are doing you are breaking anti trust laws.
It’s no wonder most physicians have chosen slavery under a hospital corporation... and we can all see how that will go at the Company Store.

The forces against existing as an MD of the classic type are insurmountable.

The system exists now where patients HAVE to pay massive premiums as a protection money — otherwise financial ruin results if you suffer hospital admission.

Now that everyone is trained to pay a massive monthly fee big pharma, hospitals, EMR companies, insurers, can all feed at the trough.

Politicians don’t care: they can keep promising all is “free”for the old (CMS tax $ only covers 1/3 of cost) and shift burden to “private” patient premiums to cover hospital charges. The insurer can just raise premiums without a vote! They can even boost profits beyond that into the stratosphere!

Just blame the doctor for it all!

Phase II is to dumb down the doctor so they don’t actually PROVIDE care, but stay on as dumb hospital store window displays. That’s why you must quit. Replace you with a shift-working employee beholden to a corporate boss. Malleable. Helpless. Shut up and do what’s profitable (and now: Avoid Bad Quality Metrics)

Get it?

Melissa Kwak, MD 
Family Medicine · 12/23/18

I hear you. I really do. And I once thought similarly and felt probably similarly to how you feel. Please hear me out. There is another way to approach this that may serve us all and the healthcare system better.

I was hating my job and feeling like a victim to EMR and the "system" a few years ago. I was trying to pretend I was fine and everything was fine, but I was not. I was surviving, not thriving. I knew there had to be more, this couldn't be IT. And I realized I didn't want to wait around for the "system" to change for me to thrive in my life and FEEL better in my life. Who knows how long that could take?

I'm now in the exact same job, content, feeling fulfilled again, while also proactively and purposefully putting steps in place such that I can help improve the healthcare system, be a mover and shaker within it. Yes, measly me, one small person.  

I am so fortunate to have stumbled across some mind management and life skills through an amazing life coach.  

I love now taking full responsibility for how I'm thinking/feeling/acting and what results I'm getting in my life.  

Thinking day in and day out that the healthcare system is broken and I'm a slave to the EMR and insurnace and admin was not serving me well. As true as those stories sound, they were keeping me a prisoner to the healthcare system and EMR.  

I'm not arguing for trueness/falseness, rightness/wrongness of thoughts. I'm arguing for, are you sure you want to keep telling yourself the story you currently are about your circumstances? Those stories are what are holding you victim.  

How many people in other countries would LOVE our healthcare system. How many docs and patients in this country currently think our system is just fine? Or just don't give it a 2nd thought? There is no consensus on what a right or best system is. There is just is a system that is constantly evolving, just like we humans are, and the system, and our human brains will just keep evolving on autopilot unless we purposefully steer them.

Again, I get it. I've been there. But listen. So far, us docs calling ourselves victims, telling ourselves our mastery shouldn't be questioned...where's it getting us? Into discontentment, disillusionment, discord, distaste...a whole lot of unnecessary misery. All the while handing all our power over our minds, our feelings, our lives, to....what? A nebulous "system" that is just doing what it's been trained to do? A CEO who's just doing what they're trained to do? A patient who doesn't know any better?

Is this really serving us well?

"There is no question in my mind that physicians are victims of a healthcare system gone horribly wrong. "

How do you feel when you think this? I imagine enraged, or helpless, or anxious, or some combination of such.

How do you show up in the world feeling that way? Do you show up as your most effective self?

If you do, great. Please move on and forget you ever read this. The point isn't to tell you or anyone they shouldn't be thinking or feeling a certain way, especially if it's getting you the life results you want.

But is it?

What if it were just fine to have your mastery and life choices questioned...on facebook, by an administrator, by insurance, by anyone...because it doesn't mean anything about you or take anything away from what you want and where you want to go. It's all good. 

What if the system isn't broken? What if it's been evolving all along the only way it "knows" how, and we get to help steer it how we'd like next if we so desire?

What if we were able to stop resisting and fighting reality, and feel content and fulfilled right where we are now? Not because we don't have dreams of something bigger or better. Not because we want to be complacent. But because in order to achieve bigger and better we have to make room in our brains to dream and think and create and develop and grow, and it is nearly impossible to do that from a place of claiming victimhood, from a place of helplessness, enragement, disillusionment.

We are not victims. Claiming such is not helping us or the "system". This isn't about "blaming and shaming the victim" because there is no victim, unless you choose to be one. There is no shame in deciding the healthcare system is not abusing you and you can stop feeling abused right now. There is only power in such. Take your power back. 

Like 

Lisa Adams, MD 
Internal Medicine · 12/23/18

No amount of mindfulness is going to make me enjoy being a data entry clerk and secretary instead of a physician.

Liked   ·   Reply   ·   11 Likes

Glenn Freed, DO 
Gastroenterology · 12/23/18

Right ON!!! I’m a “dinosaur” these days. A solo Gastroenterologist who still uses a paper chart, takes a history from the patient, actually examines the patient and spends time explaining my plan and then answering their questions. 
Then I spend hours, days and sometimes WEEKS fighting to get the meds, lab tests, x-rays and procedures APPROVED. 
Of course, unlike an attorney, that time is on me. 
And people can’t understand why I’m so angry. 
Wake up people 

Liked   ·   Reply 

Stephanie Taylor, MD 
Obstetrics & Gynecology · 12/24/18

Our hospital paid us for 24 hours of ED call-$100/24 hours. That is about $4/hour. It makes a surgeon feel just great when they know they are the lowest paid person in the OR-and that includes housekeeping staff.

Liked   ·  

Roy Sheinbaum, MD 
Anesthesiology · 12/16/18

I left full time practice in 2017 at age 60, because I felt I had been abused enough and had a lifetime of traumatic experiences, on many levels, behind me. I have continued to practice part time and have refused to sign any contract with any health care companies even in my part time work. I recently am having to give up a pretty good job to do so, because I was lied to by my employer that they needed someone just like me who doesn't even want to work full time. Six weeks in, while being complementary about my work, I was told that they had changed their mind and needed someone full time. I declined to sign anything so I guess I'm working there full time until they find someone willing to sign on the dotted line. Meanwhile I gave up another situation to take this and now six weeks in am being treated this way. I am glad they want me to be full time, but the discussions I had with them are that I don't wish to be full time and they agreed to that. This is only the most benign example of how I have been treated my entire career as an anesthesiologist. I have had many worse experiences with corporate medical entities. I'm glad I'm old enough and have planned my own financial security, so that I am not held hostage to any corporation again. Ever.

Like   ·   Reply   ·   3 Likes

Robert Percell, MD 
Cardiology · 12/16/18

Excellent synopsis! As physicians, we have a hazardous occupation. Not only are we exposed to communicable diseases on a daily basis, we are expected to walk on water and accept abuse and less pay. As an EP doc, I'm exposed to cancer causing radiation on the daily. Additionally, one catheter that I use for a routine ablation can cost more than what the entire staff (myself) makes in a day. 

Like 

Marc Yland, MD 
Anesthesiology · 12/15/18

The public looks for "care" on their "smartphone" , we are just an obstacle to get prescriptions, authorizations, timely appointments, and copays.

Like   ·   Reply   ·   6 Likes

Marc Yland, MD 
Anesthesiology · 12/15/18

According to WHO only two countries have seen a decline in the overall quality of health care since 1995.
The first one shouldn't surprise you.
The other one is South Africa.
At the end of segregation in 1995 many doctors left.

We are the only country that allows advertising for medical products (1995 Supreme Court decision).

We are almost the only country that uses litigation instead of peer review.

We are almost the only society in which non physicians are called Doctors.

We are one of a few countries with extensive use of NP's PA's etc.
Physicians in US are underpaid compared to many of their
European counterparts, taking into account cost of education, insurance, and pension.

Like   ·   Reply   ·   8 Likes

Christine Melgar, MD 
Obstetrics & Gynecology · 12/10/18

I am not sure of the average age of the responders below but I suspect it is around 60yo. I am an OB/Gyn and my husband practices Internal Medicine. We are around 60 yo, trained in the late 1980'-90's. We saw physicians our age at that time, taking less call, financially well off, well respected and working because they wanted to and still enjoyed it. We got a taste of the tail end of the "good" years before HMO's, etc hit in the late 1990's. Right now, I am working harder, the nights are brutal at my age, we are bringing home less money than we made in 1995. The career is certainly less satisfying. I am more fortunate as I know so I don't like to complain but both my husband and I worked hard to get here, sacrificed our 20's, raised 3 amazing children (2 of which are in medical school, by their choice) and we are still working just as hard. Sometimes, at 2 a.m. en route to the hospital for another delivery, I break down in tears, saying why am I still doing this? Patients just expect us to always be there not realizing how physically hard and emotionally stressful being a physician is. I don't have time to address that and come home broken and collapse. I am ready to "cut back", give up night call, and work only 40 hrs a week instead of 60-75hrs per week. But I am struggling giving up Ob and it would be a hardship for my partners until we hire a new physician. But I enjoy teaching the residents and hate to give up Obstetrics totally. I know that there is a change in the next generation of physicians who will go into a career in medicine with a different mind-set. Our graduating residents are looking for a 40hr per week job, with a punch the clock job, as it is a "job". They don't want to work like us. For our generation, it is much more than a "job". For us a career in medicine is part of who we are, and infused in our souls.

Like   ·

Josephine Daluga, MD 
Emergency Medicine · 12/9/18

I work in Las Vegas. The situation in Nevada is dire because of a physician shortage in this state that is one of the worst in the country. You'd think that would make us more valuable, wouldn't you? But oh no, we're treated like indentured servants. I joined the county hospital system and worked in their Urgent Care clinics for several years. We worked 12 hour shifts, from 8-8. We were expected to see everyone who came in the doors, regardless of the volume, time of day, or presenting illness. 
The doors closed at 7:30, but we were expected to see everyone who'd signed in, no matter how late we stayed. My record was 63 patients in one shift. 63. And it would have been more, except that some patients got tired of waiting and left. My supervisor (also a physician, but one who didn't have to work where I did) chastised me for not being happy peppy with the patients, and refusing them their narcotics or work notes or unnecessary antibiotics. I got fed up with this, and began asking to close the doors early when it became clear that we had enough patients to take us past our eight o'clock shift end. My supervisor called me up, screamed at me over the phone, and told me NEVER to do that again.He said it wasn't my decision, I didn't have the right to do that.
That was when the reality hit me. I was a slave. 

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Boris Berejan, MD 
Emergency Medicine · 12/10/18

I had a hospital administrator one day tell me, before every shift to look in the mirror, smile and say " it's show time!" so I could have a big grin on my face. Same idiot brought an ice cream sundae cart to the ER waiting room to hand out ice cream to the patients. Perfect for those vomiting, and waiting to be seen for their abdominal pain. The clueless leading the powerless....

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Boris Berejan, MD 
Emergency Medicine · 12/10/18

We see patients right up to closing the doors. Worked a long 12 hour day, patient came to the door at 2 minutes to 8. As we were rushing him back he said with a big grin " well someone isn't going home on time tonight!" And we are supposed to just smile and swallow that ......

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Albert Mercer, MD 
Cardiology · 12/9/18

We might be happier if we understand that being a physician is a job. We are employees. My 40 year experience has been transactional. The patients whom I served were benefitted in length and quality of life. The job allowed me to provide safety to those whom I love.
We ask too much of our work to expect it to define our personal self worth or give us place in society. Being a physician is not identity. 

I do not criticize colleagues for changing geography or using their education and skills, that came at high personal and financial cost, in non clinical pursuits. We deserve flexibility, portability and the right to say enough. Choices made in our early years often based on romanticized, naive half-truths should not be forced into permanence by peer or societal pressure. This outdated sense of responsibility to a “calling” placed on all groups of providers is not reciprocated by the patients, payors or the controlling human component of the provider system: administrators. 
The system component benefiting most from physicians’ misconception of their leadership/ responsibility are the administrators. Their system reputation is built on the goodwill engendered by physicians and other clinical providers .The special role tacitly defaulted to physicians that we unwittingly embrace is responsibility for shortfalls in system performance. 
I suggest MD’s wake up to the facts.
Things can be different / better for providers and patients .That is a topic for rational fact based discussion.. 
Albert Mercer, MD , FACC

Athanasios Bonoris, MD 
Cardiology · 12/8/18

Every word in this article is correct and experienced by MANY. The function of the CEO is to have some MD’s in his payroll to pass his policies and cut-cut-cut so as to have a greater end year bonus. Some nurse doing morning rounds will sternly say to you “pt in 803 is going home today, right”. If you disagree you get a myriad of phone calls. If pt is discharged and something happens you are liable. Not to repeat any of the very honest thoughts I would add you then lose your privileges if you refuse to recertifications for all boards take. In essence you cannot have a normal life—call and phone calls from ER are additional burdens—but we will tell you how much you get, you prescribe certain meds, you explain to every family member what is going on, and we do not care about your experience or technical skill but only that piece of paper that you recertified. Try lawyers that charge by 10 mins, are not nice at all, and to represent a current friend for talking a prosecutor for about 5 mins charged an obscene amt—and they do not lose their jobs due to no recertification. You also try to work a code blue or purple with them. They are calm and move mighty slow for their cases.

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Angelo Argento, MD 
Internal Medicine · 12/9/18

And all the while the CEO and lawyer are sleeping soundly in their million dollar mansions looking forward to the weekend on their private yacht

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Joe Littlejohn, MD 
Urology · 12/8/18

I am a practicing Urologist with a Startup company which aims to make life better for Providers. Our flagship product decreases clerical burden. Future products will be aimed at other pain points of practicing. Let’s support efforts aimed at improving our current situation.
https://linkboxsolutions.com

Tamela Martin, MD 
Ophthalmology · 11/25/18

Great article! Though I'm 51 I'm considering leaving surgery and clinical medicine as well. Patients feel I owe them my time 24/7- my father had a stroke and a patient expected me to leave the ICU to come see them because he was leaving for a European trip that day (& did not want to be inconvenienced?!) I'm tired of giving away the best parts of my life to ungrateful patients. I dont like who I've become in "medicine today" 

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Edward Chastka, MD 
Psychiatry · 11/25/18

The new system of medicine makes doctors and patients resent each other. Patients feel entitled to what their insurance company or the government promises them and doctors are left "holding the bag." 

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